


Dating The Devil

by MultiFandomAnon



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Love, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Santittany, Trauma, brittana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:07:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23561302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MultiFandomAnon/pseuds/MultiFandomAnon
Summary: Santana Lopez offers to be his beard, but David Karofsky wants to prove to everyone he isn't gay. At Puck's yearly party, he gives Santana the answer she's been waiting for, in a way that almost breaks her. Santana struggles to get back to who she was, with the help of Brittany and Quinn and her friends from Glee club.-A re-write of this story is in the works which is why I'm reposting it on my new account and deleted it from my old one.-
Relationships: Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Comments: 67
Kudos: 116





	1. Chapter 1

Santana Lopez thought of herself as a badass, and most people around her knew her as such.

There was only one person who didn’t think of her as a badass, and that was her best friend Brittany Pierce. Brittany had been her friend since kindergarten, and knew Santana better than anyone. That was because Santana never shared any of herself with anyone _but_ Brittany.

Brittany saw her soft spots, her caring nature, but she was the only one.

That was because Santana wanted to be the Queen Bitch, and she couldn’t climb to the top being nice to people.

That was why it surprised Santana when she went to David Karofsky, asking him to be her beard and making sure he had no other choice, because she knew he needed one too. He said he’d think about it, as if there was anything to think about, and she was tired of waiting.

It had been weeks.

She didn’t really care about him. She just needed to date someone, even if it was just for show.

She needed someone to date, because she needed to get over her stupid crush on Brittany.

“San, can you help me?” Santana stared up when she heard her best friend’s voice, and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes when she saw the way Brittany was struggling to get the zipper of her skirt down.

It was down the side and even Santana had trouble getting it down sometimes, but she always managed one way or another.

“Sure, get over here,” she replied because she knew it would take too long for Brittany to get out of it, and they needed to get ready for the house party of the year.

Puck threw one every year when his mother went on her _singles_ trip. Alcohol flowed freely and sex was normal at his parties. He usually had a hell of a cleanup, but he always said it was worth it.

“San...come on, you’re staring and you said you’d help,” Brittany said, goofy grin on her face.

Santana zipped down the zipper before pushing Brittany away gently and standing up. She took a deep breath, and swallowed thickly to hide the feelings that always began to surface when Brittany came too close.

“So I’m just...going to…” Brittany pointed toward the bathroom as her voice faded and Santana pasted on a grin, hiding the way her heart was racing.

“Yea, just go Britt. I wants to get my drink on,” she replied, and Brittany hurried into the bathroom.

It didn’t take Brittany long to get the shower started, and Santana waited for the inevitable singing that would follow the moment that Brittany got settled.

When the humming started, Santana lay back on the bed and got comfortable.

It had been a while since Brittany had taken a shower at Santana’s home. It had been a while since they’d spent much time together at all, and Santana had missed it. Before Artie, Brittany used to come over after school, take a shower and then they would get their mack on.

Santana couldn’t remember the last time they’d done that, and she would never admit to anyone that she missed it.

She was so deep in thought that she didn’t notice the shower being turned off. She didn’t notice the silence until Brittany walked into the room, and she sighed and lifted her head only to close her eyes right away when she noticed that Brittany had _just_ dropped the towel to get dressed.

Something low in her stomach began to flutter at just the thought of Brittany, naked in her bedroom. All she could think about, and all she could see were the swell of Brittany’s breasts and the rounding of her ass.

“Don’t tell me you’re asleep,” Brittany muttered a moment later, and Santana startled. “I’m only going to this stupid party because you wanted to go.”

She couldn’t open her eyes and she couldn’t speak, because of all the emotions running through her. The strongest one was arousal and she was fighting her impulse to get up and kiss Brittany.

She promised to respect that Brittany was with Artie now.

“Nuh-uh,” she mumbled and then sat up, her eyes still closed. “Are you dressed yet?”

“Why are you keeping your eyes closed? You never close your eyes when I’m naked,” Brittany replied, confusion laced in her voice. Santana shrugged, because she didn’t know what to say.

She couldn’t tell Brittany about her feelings again, because the last time she did that she got her heart broken into a million pieces. She opened her eyes and stared at her friend, keeping up appearances.

Brittany wore a simple tank top and some skin tight jeans, unlike Santana. Santana wore a dress that hugged every curve of her body.

Santana blinked a couple of times to focus before she smiled up at Brittany.

“Are you almost ready?”

Brittany hummed before she turned and began to put some make-up on. Santana had already been done when Brittany had arrived and she still didn’t know why she’d come to her place instead of just changing at home. Besides the fact that it would’ve been faster, it wouldn’t have made Santana feel like she had to push a side of herself down.

“Do you think we’ll have a good time?” Santana asked, her insecurity showing its ugly head.

Brittany smiled. “With the two of us, how could we not?”

Santana grinned back. She had promised she would be the designated driver, so she wasn’t about to drink and that was one of the reasons she’d asked Brittany.

The other reason was because she wondered if they could still have fun after what had happened at school.

After she’d poured her heart out and Brittany had rejected her.

“You’re so right.” She breathed out in relief and Brittany giggled. She turned and took Santana’s hand, pulling her up. “You’re done? _Finally_ , I was about to fall asleep waiting for you,” she teased, and Brittany rolled her eyes, but giggled again.

Santana loved that giggle, it was so carefree that it sometimes hurt to hear it.

“You’re in a hurry...are you meeting someone special there?” Brittany asked, wiggling her eyebrows. She knew that Santana wasn’t meeting anyone there, and Santana didn’t like the way she was looking at her while asking.

She just shook her head and walked out of her room, not waiting to see if Brittany followed her.

She only stopped when she was at her car, and she looked up before she opened the car door to see Brittany frowning at her.

“Get in,” Santana murmured loud enough for Brittany to hear her, and then proceeded to get settled into the car. Brittany narrowed her eyes the moment Santana pulled away from the curb. “What?”

“Was it something I said?”

“No. You didn’t say anything wrong,” Santana replied, even though she was still upset.

Brittany knew her too well to know that she was lying, but she didn’t want to make it into a bigger deal than it already was.

“It’s your night.”

Brittany was upset, that much was clear. The way her eyes clouded over and the joy left for a moment hurt Santana more than anything else could and she swallowed before she dared another glance toward the blonde.

“Britt…”

The silence stretched and before she knew it, they had arrived at Puck’s and the beat of the music playing inside was felt even in the car. Brittany didn’t hesitate for a moment and got out of the car, slamming the door behind her.

Santana rushed to get out, even as she called out to Brittany. “Thanks, leave me behind,” she murmured when she realized she couldn’t catch up. Brittany had disappeared into the crowd and there was no way she could push through that many people.

 _Mr. Saxobeat_ drummed through the house and she grinned when she saw teenagers already drunk and grinding with strangers.

She was just about to go to the kitchen, knowing Brittany would go there first, when she heard his voice behind her.

“Hey, Lopez...did you just get in?”

She turned, her grin fading from her face as she looked up at Dave Karofsky. She shrugged, and narrowed her eyes at him. He already had more than enough to drink and he was nursing another drink. She didn’t want to be anywhere near him when he was drunk.

She’d only offered to be his beard because she knew how much his reputation meant to him, but she just needed to find Brittany.

She turned on her heels and left him standing there, her mind only focused on finding Brittany and finally getting the words _I’m sorry_ out.

“Hey, San! Come over here and have a drink.” Quinn’s voice called from behind and she turned to see her sway on her feet, a red cup in her hand and a grin on her face. Santana knew Quinn was already well on her way to being drunk and she smiled before she shook her head, declining the offered cup.

“No, I can’t.”

“Aw, come on,” Quinn begged, and Santana chuckled.

“I’m serious...I can’t. I promised I’d be designated driver for anyone who needed it.” Santana gently pushed against the hand Quinn held out, and rolled her eyes. “And you...are well on your way. Have you seen Britt?” She asked even as she sat down next to Quinn.

“Um...I saw her when she came in but she didn’t even stop to say hi,” Quinn pouted, and Santana sighed.

She knew she’d upset Brittany, but she normally didn’t stay angry as long. She just didn’t know how to fix it.

* * *

Brittany never really got angry. She was a sweet and loving person and whenever she was angry, she would pull away for a moment and then be okay again. She didn’t like fights, and she did everything in her power to avoid them.

Tonight wasn’t any different. She was upset because of Santana and she didn’t like the way Santana always wanted her to be there. She sometimes didn’t understand what Santana actually wanted from her.

“Hey Britt! Come dance!” Brittany turned around at the sound of his voice and smiled when she locked eyes with Artie. She shook her head though, because she had seen Santana sitting next to Quinn in the living room and she just wanted to get drunk. She didn't want to think about Santana if only for a little while.

So she made her way into the kitchen and didn't falter even when she saw it was filled to the brim with the football team. "Where's the booze?"

Someone pointed her toward the alcohol and she quickly poured herself a shot, slammed it back and poured another. She glanced around and shivered at the sight of Dave Karofsky. He had always given her a bad feeling and she hadn't been able to explain why.

He smirked at her and glanced around. "Where's your superhero? Did you two get separated?" He asked, and Brittany shrugged before she took another gulp of her drink and made a face. She hated the taste of alcohol before she got drunk. "Why aren't you looking for her?"

"Back off, Dave." Brittany pushed away from the counter and moved around him. “It doesn’t concern you, so just back off.”

She had the feeling that he was going to look for Santana, but she tried not to care about it. She was about to have the night of her life and she didn’t want to think about Santana for a while.

She stood there for a while, sipping her drink and refilling it once again, enjoying the relative peace. She wanted to get drunk before she even wanted to _think_ about Santana. Even though she felt lonely without her best friend, she wanted to enjoy the night.

She sighed, because the kitchen was too quiet. Her thoughts kept moving back toward Santana and she didn’t like that, so she filled her cup one last time before she made her way back into the crowded living room. She stared at the dancing people for a moment and then she heard Artie call out to her again.

“Hey Britt, you ready to dance now?” he asked, and she rolled her eyes. She loved Artie, she really did, but she hated the way he treated her. He sometimes treated her like a child, and Santana never would.

“Yes,” she replied loudly, pushing away any thoughts about Santana, and then made her way over to him. She really needed to get her mind off of Santana for one night, and in the morning everything would be fine.

She hoped.

* * *

“Could you please stop leaning on me?” Santana pushed Quinn off of her for the fourth time and stood to her feet. Everyone around her was having fun and dancing, and she felt lonely without Brittany next to her.

The party had been going for hours, and she was bored.

She normally would have been drunk within moments of walking into the house, and by the time the first hour had rolled around she would have been crying about something. She wanted to cry, about her _fight_ with Brittany, but she wouldn’t.

She had caught glances of Brittany, dancing with Artie, and it killed Santana to think that the two of them would ever get back together again, because she wanted Brittany.

Artie didn’t deserve her.

“Hey, dyke! Care to-”

Santana turned around, her eyes wide and her heart in her throat.

“Let me stop you right there, meatball,” Santana interrupted through gritted teeth. “I’m not a dyke.” She glanced around to see if anyone had heard either of them, and then pushed against his shoulder. “Now you need to get the fuck out of my face because you’re annoying me.”

He grinned at her and she wondered what was going on in that tiny little brain of his, but then he grabbed her arm.

“I’ll leave you alone after you dance with me,” he said, slurring his words and Santana knew it was a bad idea to give into him. She also knew she would have to do it anyway because she didn’t want him to keep hanging around her, so she nodded.

He pulled her onto the makeshift dance floor roughly, and then pulled her against him. She wanted nothing more than to pull away, but she needed to keep up appearances.

“Enjoy...babe,” he murmured into her ear before he began grinding against her. She rolled her eyes and pulled away, but he was stronger and he tightened his grip on her hips painfully.

She regretted agreeing to dance with him the moment she could feel him harden against her and she tried to pull away again, but he was too strong.

“I don’t think she likes what you’re doing, Dave,” Brittany’s voice said from behind her and Santana closed her eyes in relief before she turned around, finally able to because Dave had loosened his grip.

Brittany stood with a small smile on her face, staring at Dave with her blue eyes and Dave grunted something before he sighed and moved away. Santana watched Brittany for a moment and opened her mouth to thank her, but Brittany didn’t give her a chance.

“Not yet.”

She didn’t give Santana a chance to say anything, but turned and walked away without another word.

“Thank you…” Santana mumbled, even though she knew Brittany wouldn’t hear her, and then turned around and made her way to the stairs. She needed some time alone, she needed to calm down.

She needed Brittany, but Brittany obviously didn’t want or need her.

So she moved up the stairs slowly, pushing away everyone that didn’t move when she walked by, and sighed when she was on the first floor. It was a lot less crowded and she took a deep breath before she opened the door to Puck’s bedroom.

It was dark and empty and felt safe as Santana sat down on the bed and then closed her eyes.

She was tired of fighting her feelings for Brittany, she was sick of acting she was someone she wasn’t. She wanted to have fun and have what she wanted, and that was Brittany.

She was just to scared to admit it and she knew Brittany wanted her to be brave, but she couldn’t. Thinking about coming out and dating Brittany scared the hell out of her and she knew it would be worse when she actually did it. No, she wouldn’t come out, even if it meant losing Brittany.

The door opened, and she opened her eyes even as her annoyance grew.

She just wanted to be alone for a little while, and deal with her overwhelming thoughts and feelings about Brittany.

The music filled the room, just as the outline of the guy filled the doorway. He was big, that much she could see, but she didn’t care who it was as long as he left.

“Find another room,” she snapped, even as he stumbled inside and closed the door behind him with surprising grace, considering the drunken state almost everyone at the party was. “Did you not hear me, you idiot?”

He didn’t reply, but stumbled forward and chuckled.

He took a moment, staring at her, before he moved and suddenly she found herself pinned on the bed, his bodyweight crushing her. She gasped, and was about to tear into him when he sighed and kissed her roughly.

The smell of alcohol permeated the air and she gagged at the taste of alcohol and cigarets on his breath. She punched his back, pummeling her fists into the muscles in his back but it was of no use.

He pulled back, and she breathed in deeply. “Get off!”

“You asked me a couple of weeks if I wanted to date you,” he said, and Santana shook her head, ready to reject him. “Here’s my answer.”

He kissed her again, his teeth scraping her lips. She tasted blood when he bit her and she struggled to get away from him, to get him off of her.

This was not what she had in mind when she’d asked him out.

When he pulled away to breathe, she screamed. “No, stop it!”

“Hey, you wanted this, you _asked_ for it.”

“Fuck you!”

“That’s what I’m planning, babe,” he grinned before he pinned her hands above her head, and kissed her again. Her legs were pinned beneath his, and with him holding her wrists she had no way to get away from him, and the dread settled into her stomach.

He moved his mouth from hers and started kissing and sucking on her neck, and she breathed in deeply.

“Get the fuck off of me, you big fat idiot,” she grunted out even as she struggled against his hold. “Do you think _this_ is going to prove that you’re not gay?”

“After this, you’re going to be my girl,” he slurred between kisses and she shivered.

“Do you actually expect me to want to _date_ you after this?” she asked incredulously, before she tried to get her hands from his grip again. “Get off of me, and I won’t bust your nuts!”

She pushed against him and was more than surprised when he faltered and let go of her wrists. She pounded on his back and renewed her fight, but his patience faded and he grunted before he elbowed her in the stomach.

She grunted out in pain, and blinked against the stars in her vision before she gasped for breath.

“You’ll enjoy it, I promise. I know what I’m doing.”

“Please, you don’t have to do this to prove anything,” she pleaded when he started to pull at her dress. She pushed it back down, only to have him tear it in his haste to get it out of the way.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” he breathed in her ear, even as he worked on getting rid of everything that was in the way. “Everyone thinks I’m gay because I haven’t had _you_ yet. You’re supposed to be _easy_ and you’re supposed to say yes to everyone.”

She closed her eyes, and for the first time she felt tears streaming down her face. The panic throbbed through her body, and she wished for once that she hadn’t been so promiscuous.

There was nothing she could do to stop him and when got rid of the last barrier and pushed into her, she screamed.

* * *

Brittany pushed away from Artie, who had just tried to kiss her for the third time that night, and stared at him with a blank expression. She loved him, but after he’d called her stupid she didn’t think he loved her enough. She didn’t want to be with him anymore.

But Artie did want to be with her and he tried to show her every chance he got.

Santana had always told her that people who love you wouldn’t insult you or hurt you intentionally and he had hurt her, because of Santana.

“I don’t want to kiss you Artie...not even when I’m drunk,” she murmured as she moved away some more. “You shouldn’t take advantage of me.”

“Britt,” Artie tried, but Brittany just shook her head and moved away from him, stumbling as she went.

When she found Quinn, she sank down next to her on the couch and whimpered. “I want to go home.”

“I would bring you home if I wasn’t a little tipsy,” Quinn slurred, and Brittany giggled. “I don’t remember who my driver was supposed to be...maybe Santana is willing to drop me off too.”

“We should go find her,” Brittany said, but she didn’t move.

“Yea.”

“Do you know where she is? I saw her dancing with Dave earlier...but she disappeared after that.” Brittany glanced around to see if she could find Santana, but it was too crowded. There was no way she was going to find her sitting on the couch like that. “I know I should get up and look for her but I can’t seem to move.”

“I haven’t,” Quinn replied, her words slurring but her gaze alert. “She left to go look for you earlier.”

Brittany stood to her feet, worried that something might have happened to Santana, and pulled Quinn from the couch. The music was too loud all of a sudden and she wanted to find Santana and go home, but before she could figure out where to start first there was a commotion at the stairs.

At the same time it dawned on her that Santana might be up there, Quinn tightened her hold on her and pointed with her free hand. Brittany followed her gaze and gasped when she saw Santana, stumbling down the stairs as if she was drunk, with tear tracks running down her face.

Brittany _knew_ Santana wouldn’t drink, because she was responsible.

Santana looked up, and Brittany heard Quinn gasp. It took her only a moment longer to see the way that Santana’s eyes seemed hollow and empty, and she frowned as she took in everything about her best friend.

Her dress was wrong, but Brittany couldn’t see what was wrong with it. Santana seemed to have a hard time breathing, her nose was clogged and her face was pale.

“What happened?” Quinn asked softly beside Brittany, but Santana ignored the question. Dave stumbled down the stairs and Santana tensed, and then swallowed thickly before she turned to Brittany.

“Who’s driving with us? We’re going home.” Santana’s voice was extremely raspy, and Brittany frowned. Not even after crying had Santana’s voice ever been this raspy.

“I am,” Quinn said, obviously seeing something that Brittany didn’t. Santana nodded her head and began moving toward the door. The throng of people moved as she moved and Quinn once again asked Santana what had happened, only to be ignored again.

When they got to the car, Santana got in slowly, as if she was in pain, and Brittany climbed in the back before Quinn plopped in the passengers seat.

“Put your seatbelt on...I want to go home and take a shower,” Santana murmured. Brittany rolled her eyes when she realized what had happened.

“You hooked up with him didn’t you?” she asked, and Santana clenched her jaw, the muscle jumping, before she turned toward Brittany.

“And what of it?”

“I just...I don’t like it,” Brittany murmured, and Santana huffed.

“I don’t care if you like it or not, because we’re dating,” Santana snapped, and then pulled away from the curb.

Brittany widened her eyes, wondering where the girl she loved so much was.

This wasn’t the Santana she knew.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. 
> 
> For a while, I couldn't write. 
> 
> The past couple of weeks have been a rollercoaster, I've been super emotional and I'm sure a lot of you are...losing Naya was a blow that I didn't expect. I'm dedicating this chapter and every other chapter I revise to her, and I hope she rests in peace. 
> 
> I thank her for everything she's shared with us, and all the friends I made because of her, and all the things I've learned about myself because of her.
> 
> Kay

She didn't know how she managed to drive around like she didn't hurt all over. Her head was pounding like she was coming down from binge drinking, and her thighs hurt from the tension.

After bringing Quinn home, and waiting for her to get inside, she drove off again like nothing was different. But the silence crashed down in the car once Quinn was gone and Santana knew that Brittany was still upset at her for snapping.

She didn't want to get into an argument, but when she glanced at Brittany, she knew it was inevitable.

"What?"

It felt like Brittany was looking right through her, and into her thoughts. It unsettled her more than she would ever admit.

"I just...I'm confused because you said you didn't like David but now you're dating him?"

The memories of the night flashed through her mind and she flinched.

Brittany seemed genuinely confused and Santana wanted nothing more than to tell her what had happened, but she couldn't.

She didn't want to corrupt Brittany's innocence. Knowing what had happened with David would break her.

She tried to take a deep breath, but even as the air in the car started to press down on her, she could feel the start of a panic attack come on. It was hard to breathe, and her thoughts kept going back to the room.

"Do you...do you want to sleep over?" She asked, still struggling to get enough air into her lungs. "I missed you tonight."

Even though she would never want to admit it, she needed Brittany more than ever. She didn't think she'd be able to survive if she had to sleep alone tonight.

She bit her lip to stop from saying even more, but her focus was on Brittany. She glanced at her, just in time to see Brittany roll her eyes.

"I missed you too...Okay, I'll stay the night, but no sexy times."

Santana snorted and bit her lip to stop herself from saying what was on the tip of her tongue before she nodded her head.

She turned into her street and parked in front of the house in silence. She turned off the engine, but didn't move for a long moment.

She was sore and she just wanted a shower and sleep. She doubted she would be able to sleep even with Brittany there, but having her best friend there was a relief.

Brittany was the first to move, and as she got out of the car, Santana closed her eyes.

When she opened them again, and looked up, Brittany was still standing there, watching her and waiting for her. It filled her with a feeling she couldn't place, and she smiled as she got out of the car.

She stumbled to the front door, exhaustion finally crushing down on her, and tried her key.

Her vision blurred with tears, and she tried her key again, and again. Somehow, she couldn't stop her hands from shaking.

"Fuck…" she mumbled, even as Brittany stepped up and took the keys from her shaking hands, before she opened the door without any trouble. And she did drink more than enough alcohol.

Santana was impressed.

"Are you okay, San? You look like you drank more than me," Brittany said softly. Santana bit her lip before she chuckled.

She put up the best act that she knew how, making sure that Brittany was under the impression that everything was fine.

"Yea...well, you know how I can be after…" she whispered, rubbing it in even further, even with knowing it would hurt Brittany.

Brittany sighed heavily, and even with the way everything seemed to be pressing down on her, Santana could hear that it wasn't just annoyance.

She stopped herself from embellishing even more, and waited for Brittany to lead the way inside. She didn't want to hurt her even more than she already had.

Once Brittany was inside, Santana closed and locked the door behind her, and led the way to her room, crossing the dark living room. Every shadow in the dark looked like him, and she was glad for the company of her best friend.

She just hated the fact that she was so needy.

"Why?"

Santana gasped, and turned her head to look at Brittany who was still at the top of the stairs, waiting for an answer.

"Why what?"

The question that had been burning in Santana's own head was finally asked out loud and she didn't know if she could even answer it.

"Why did you sleep with him?"

Santana shrugged, even as she opened her bedroom door and walked in. She waited until Brittany closed the door behind her before she turned and blinked away her tears.

"We've been talking...and I got to know him a little better," she breathed, grateful for the dark as she rubbed her eyes, wiping away her tears.

It wasn't a lie, exactly. She knew things about Karofsky that Brittany didn't, and even though she'd rather not have gotten to know this side of him, it was a truth.

"Okay, so you decided you _did_ like him and then just fucked him?"

Santana gasped, and her heart skipped a beat at the images flashing through her mind. The fact that Brittany had shocked her with her question was the only thing that stopped her from spiraling into a full blown panic attack.

She snorted, and forced herself to casually shrug her shoulders again even though her heart hurt. She needed to give Brittany some answers, even if they were lies.

"I told you...I got to know him better," she forced herself to say, and Brittany grunted in frustration.

Santana turned slowly, and turned on the lights before she turned back to Brittany. Her body hurt with the aftermath of the night, but Brittany wasn't ready to let go yet.

Santana didn't blame her.

"Let me get this straight...you blew him off before because you said you didn't like him," Brittany said, her brows drawn together as she tried to understand, and Santana clenched her jaw. "But then this party happens and you don't even drink...but he does...and you meet up with him upstairs and somehow decide you _do_ like him, and then have sex with him?"

Santana cleared her throat and nodded, even as her throat closed up, panic rushing through her. She turned around before Brittany could see it, or the tears in her eyes, and rushed toward the bathroom.

Her stomach churned and she worried that she might throw up. She swallowed thickly, and swallowed again. She pressed a hand against her stomach, and turned on the shower before she pulled her phone from her bra.

She was glad that it was still there after everything that had happened.

She lifted it, and the screen lit up, showing the time. 2:32.

For a moment, she felt lightheaded and exhaustion overwhelmed her.

She really needed a shower, but even so, she contemplated just climbing into bed without one.

The door opened and she tensed before she turned.

"What is it, Britt?"

"You're lying about liking him. I saw the way you reacted when he tried to force you to dance," Brittany said, matter of factly.

She was right, of course. Santana cursed herself for not thinking of that moment earlier, because of course Brittany would remember something like that.

She'd helped her get away from him too.

"You know how I hate people grinding up against me," she said with a shrug, and watched as Brittany gave up hope of the truth. She turned around, not wanting her friend to see the tears burning in her eyes, and cleared her throat. "So what about you and Artie?"

Brittany grunted, and Santana almost turned around in surprise.

"He tried to kiss me a couple of times tonight...I just kept remembering what you said about how people who love you shouldn't insult you. I just didn't want to kiss him," Brittany shrugged. "And I don't think he loves me enough anyway."

Santana slowly breathed in and nodded her head. She tried to push down the hope that flared up at this piece of information but it was harder than she thought it would be.

Brittany loved kissing, but she wasn't _easy_. The moment she started to feel something for someone, she was harder to get to, and easier to hurt. She would become more careful to make sure she wouldn't hurt or get hurt.

"I don't know, Britt...he insulted you but maybe he didn't mean it...maybe he just said it in the heat of the moment. I mean, you don't have to listen to me...I've insulted you more than once," Santana murmured, even though it hurt her to remind Brittany.

"Yea."

"Do you mind if I take a shower before I join you?" Santana glanced over her shoulder, making sure that Brittany knew she wanted to be alone for a moment, and smiled the best she could. "I'll be right out, you can go get ready for bed."

She turned without waiting for a reply, and pressed her lips together when the door opened and closed behind her. She was finally alone, and the first tears rolled down her cheeks.

She wiped at them angrily, and forced herself to move.

Her body protested against the movement when she took off her dress and she risked a glance in the mirror, only to gasp at the sight of herself.

Her dress was torn and dirty, the dark spots at the bottom of it making her gag. She pulled it off of her and didn't hesitate before she threw it in the trash, her breathing labored and her skin tight with disgust.

Steam filled the bathroom, and Santana breathed in as she realized she'd left the shower running all this time.

She quickly stepped under the stream and gritted her teeth against the pain the hot water brought, and then looked down at her body.

Blowing out a breath, she realized that she was covered in bruises and scrapes, and that's why the water was hurting her.

There were bruises the shape of hands all over her body. She knew there would be a bruise around her neck from where he had kept her from screaming, and she gasped for breath when the images flashed before her eyes again.

She pushed back, and swallowed the bile that rose in her throat before she grabbed the bar of soap and started lathering herself up in it.

Her tears mingled with the water, even as she relived the moment she realized he wouldn't stop, even as she washed her body from top to bottom one, two, three times.

Her breathing was labored, and she didn't even notice the door open, she wasn't aware of someone watching her until Brittany cleared her throat.

The steam had disappeared and it was only then that she realized that the water had turned cold.

"San...you've been in there for half an hour...you said you'd be right out. I just want to sleep," Brittany murmured, and Santana blinked quickly to stop more tears from falling.

Brittany looked exhausted, her eyes bloodshot and her cheeks flushed.

"I'm almost done," she replied, her voice cracking on the words.

Brittany sighed, and then closed the bathroom door again.

Santana knew she was never able to sleep without her if she stayed over, and normally she loved that.

Tonight, Santana wished Brittany had just fallen asleep.

She washed her hair quickly, and washed her body one last time while shivering under the cold stream, before she got out.

Even though she still felt dirty, and she could still feel his hands on her, and she could still taste his kiss.

_"You're telling everyone we're dating...you'll help me take away that power to call me gay, and you're going to be convincing. You want to know why?" David paused long enough for Santana to shake her head, tears staining her cheeks. "You'll do it, because if you don't, I'll fuck that sweet little lady friend of yours and you won't be able to stop me."_

His voice echoed in her mind while she dried off and pulled on some sweatpants and an oversized shirt. The bruises on her thighs hurt even with the soft fabric, and she sighed.

Santana was glad she didn't have to risk Brittany seeing her bruises, just to get her clothes.

When she finally walked into the bedroom, she was shaking and it didn't have anything to do with the cold. She looked up, and tensed when Brittany jumped to her feet.

"Finally! You took forever, and I need to pee," Brittany murmured as she walked past Santana and into the bathroom.

"Sorry."

Her chest tightened and she forced back her tears even as she climbed into her bed and pulled the sheets over her body and up to her chin. She closed her eyes, but that only made her tense up even more as panic slowly moved through her body.

She shivered even harder.

* * *

Brittany returned to the room and quickly took off her clothes before she pulled one of Santana's oversized shirts over her head.

She glanced at the lump under the covers that was supposed to be her best friend and wondered what was going on with her even as she moved closer.

"Are you asleep?"

Santana grunted in response and Brittany climbed into the bed behind her, before pulling her closer. Santana never usually asked for a sleepover unless she needed cuddles.

"Britt," Santana grunted and tensed, her voice carrying a range of emotions.

It took Brittany way too long to realize that it was pain that she heard and the way Santana tensed just proved her theory.

Santana moved and wiped at her eyes, but didn't pull away. Brittany simply loosened her grip on her friend, even though all she wanted to do was hold her even closer and chase away whatever was bothering Santana.

"What's going on? You're acting so weird…" Brittany breathed in and enjoyed the way Santana's scent enveloped her. "Don't you want to cuddle?"

"Of course I do," Santana whispered without missing a beat.

Brittany frowned. She didn't say anything for a moment and Santana turned to face her. Something dark pulled Brittany's eyes toward her throat, and she frowned.

"Is that a hickey?" she asked, her voice higher than usual and her chest hurting.

She didn't want to get angry with Santana, because she didn't have that right, but she could feel it rise in her chest and she had to stop herself from pulling away.

"Um…I don't know," Santana murmured as she gingerly touched her throat and swallowed thickly. She looked up into Brittany's eyes. "I want to snuggle more than anything, Britt-Britt, I really do...it's just, I have a stomach ache and...I'm sorry."

Brittany pulled in a deep, slow breath before she smiled and nodded her head.

"It's okay, just turn around and I'll be more careful."

Santana turned slowly and even though Brittany knew about the stomach ache, it felt like there was something more bothering her best friend. They settled, and Brittany closed her eyes.

She always enjoyed cuddling with Santana, mostly because Santana let her guard down when they were together. She loved seeing the real Santana hidden behind snide remarks and witty one-liners.

"Do...do you really want to be with Artie, Britt?"

"I don't know," she replied honestly. She didn't know what to think about Artie anymore. She loved him, but she wasn't sure she wanted to be with someone who could call her stupid as easily as he had done. She still believed that people who loved you wouldn't hurt you like that. "I mean...I love him, but he hurt me when he called me stupid. I don't want to get hurt by the people I love."

"I hurt you." Santana whimpered and Brittany frowned, worried. "I hurt you every day and you still want to be my friend."

Brittany huffed. "That's different, you're different. I know you love me and you said you're in love with me. I don't know how to explain, Santana...but I know it's different when you hurt me...you didn't really mean to, right?"

"Right."

"You always, _always_ show me that you're sorry after, and Artie never did that."

Santana sighed, and then yawned. "Right."

"Go to sleep, San. We can talk in the morning."

It didn't take Brittany very long to fall asleep, with Santana snuggled against her.

For Santana, however, it took a little longer.

* * *

Santana didn't know when she fell asleep, but she woke up drenched in sweat and alone. Brittany had most likely woken up long before, as usual, and Santana was grateful for that.

She didn't like it when Brittany left without a word though, and Brittany knew.

Just as she was about to get her phone to call or text Brittany, it buzzed on her nightstand and she smiled.

**_Sorry, mom called and told me I had to come home. Call you later! XO B_ **

She took a deep breath and then sat up against the headboard. Her body ached even worse than the night before and she knew it was going to bother her for a while yet.

She didn't know what to do about the situation she was in. She knew it was her own fault because she'd asked him to date her, but she'd never in her wildest nightmares expected this to happen.

_"I'll fuck the gay out of you, Santana, and I know you'll love it as much as I'm going to."_

Santana swallowed the bile that rose in her throat and shivered. Thinking back on the night before was the last thing she wanted but she couldn't stop her mind from going back there and replaying it over and over again.

She looked back down at the screen of her phone, and reread Brittany's text twice before she replied.

**_It's fine...I'll see you at school tomorrow. XO S_ **

She tossed her phone onto her bed and rested her head back again.

Even though she was still exhausted, and she could feel it trying to pull her down into a restless sleep, she knew she couldn't. She had more than enough to do to get ready for school, and she needed to make sure that she could hide the visible bruises.

She didn't need people to start asking questions.

Her phone buzzed, and she felt around for it with her eyes closed.

The moment she found it, she unlocked it without looking. She expected it to be another text from Brittany, so when she looked down and it wasn't Brittany, but an unknown number, her heart stopped.

**_Had fun last night, you were the best, babe. Remember what we talked about. X_ **

She forced herself to breathe and blinked away the tears that blurred her sight. She knew who had sent it, and it was all she needed to be brought back to the night before, to him threatening to hurt Brittany if Santana told anyone what happened.

A sob broke free and she slapped her hand in front of her mouth to muffle the sound, and then closed her eyes and tried to force her mind to focus on something else. Not even thinking about cuddling or kissing Brittany seemed to work.

A sound outside of her bedroom door had her scrambling out of bed, her heart beating faster than ever, even as she heard her mother's voice on the other side of the door.

"Santana."

She breathed in deeply as a hot tear trailed down her cheek. She wiped it away with shaking hands and then opened the door and blinked slowly at her mother.

"Yes?"

"Your father and I are going to visit your Abuela. Do you want to come with us?"

Her mother looked ready to go, and Santana shook her head.

"I think I'll stay home today. I don't feel so good."

It wasn't a lie, but she could see her mother's frown and she knew what her mother would be thinking. She normally would have been drinking and she _did_ look hungover.

She _felt_ hungover.

"Take some aspirin. It'll fade." Her mother's voice was harsh and judgmental, and Santana did her best to ignore it even as she looked down at her hands, clasped together to keep her mother from seeing them shaking.

"Okay. Thank you Mami...will you say hi to Abuelita for me?"

Santana looked back up, her vision blurry with tears once again and she could see the judgment in her mother's eyes. Her heart skipped a beat, when she realized that there was something a lot like worry in the way her mother frowned at her.

"I will."

It unsettled her, the worry in her mother's eyes, and she turned and stumbled toward the bed. It wasn't even hard to make it look like she was hungover, because everything hurt.

Her bedroom door was closed softly, and she bit her lip even as her tears started up slowly. She waited until she heard her parents leave, about fifteen minutes later, before she let herself go fully, and let out her first sob.

She didn't remember ever feeling as lonely as she did in that moment.

* * *

Brittany sank down next to her mother on the couch and sighed.

"Mom...I'm worried."

"About what, baby?"

"Santana."

"Why?"

Brittany sighed. "Last night...when we were at that party...she acted really weird and after we left she...she asked me some stuff that seemed...it seemed like she wasn't herself." She shrugged, not sure how to explain it to her mother. "She never asked me about Artie before and I'm kind of worried that something happened to her."

Brittany turned to look at her mother and saw a knowing smile on her face.

"Santana is confused, sweetheart. You know as well as I do, and all you can do is be there for her." After a pressing silence, her mother sighed. "If you're right and something did happen to her at that party, you just...all you can do is be patient and wait for her to tell you."

Even though she wasn't sure she could agree, Brittany nodded her head.

She had been waiting for Santana for too long and she wasn't sure if she even had any patience left, but she knew she couldn't force Santana to tell her something she didn't want her to know.

Knowing Santana, it could take ages before she opened up.

"It's just...she's been shutting me out, not telling me what's going on or what happened. I asked, and she just kept changing the subject," she mumbled, her frustration making her eyes burn.

"Brittany Susan Pierce, what is wrong with you?" Susan scolded her, and Brittany looked up, her eyes wide. "I know you love that girl, but you haven't exactly shared anything with her, have you?"

She was right, and Brittany knew that. She had been shutting Santana out because of the confession. After Santana had told her she was in love with her, it had been hard to keep herself from falling into her arms and kissing her.

"I know! But after...after she told me she was in love with me I just froze. I didn't know what to do...and I was still with Artie."

She held her breath, waiting for her mother's reaction.

Of course her parents knew about her bisexuality but she hadn't told them about Santana's confession or her own reaction to it. She'd been shutting out her parents as well.

"I don't see what the problem is, darling. You broke up with Artie, so you can try this out and see if the two of you work as a couple, right? You're in love with her too."

"Yea," Brittany sighed. Her mind went back to the way Santana snapped at her the night before, and the way she had told her about her new relationship with David.

"Britt...listen to me, I've had the feeling that you were in love with her but you didn't do anything about it because of Artie. Now is your chance, baby, so go talk to her about it and see what she says."

Brittany stared at her hands for a long moment, her brain helping her create a plan to confront Santana about everything that was going on. She wanted to know more, and she wanted her friend back.

Which meant she had to go back to Santana's, to talk to her even if Santana didn't want to.

"I will...thanks mom!"

Santana woke up with a scream in her throat and she gasped for breath.

She was soaked in sweat again, and she rubbed a hand over her face to get rid of the tears trailing down her cheeks.

She just wanted the nightmare to be over. She hated it.

Even though she knew better, she had hoped that Brittany would come back.

For a moment, she just wanted to forget about what happened, but she knew that wasn't happening anytime soon.

She got out of bed and got ready for another shower.

As she let the water wash over her, she tried to force herself to think of something positive, anything was better than the nightmare that kept replaying in her mind.

It was her second shower of the day, and it didn't help her at all. She still felt dirty, and sick to her stomach.

"Santana?"

Because of the way the water was beating down around her, she couldn't identify the voice and it made it hard to breathe through her panic. She huddled even closer to the wall, even as the water turned cold.

She was shivering and shaking, but she couldn't move.

"Santana? What is taking so long in there?"

It sounded an awful lot like Brittany on the other side of the door, but she couldn't be sure. She didn't trust her mind after everything that happened.

Every voice sounded like his, and every face looked like his too.

"Come on Santana, what's going on? If you don't come out now, I'm going to kick down this door!"

Santana screamed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this story is 8 years old and I've been rereading and revising. I realized (with the help of an amazing friend) that there were some things that were less than realistic, so you might find that I've changed a couple of things...if you have read it before. If you haven't, I hope you enjoy it as much as I'm enjoying making this story even better.

It could have been the cold shower, or the lack of sleep that caused her head to mess with her. Everyone and everything sounded like Karofsky and she couldn't keep herself from screaming at the sound of his voice as the person on the other side threatened to kick the door down.

She scrambled out of the shower, and wrapped a towel around her body even as she frantically glanced around for her phone. Maybe she could call...someone, anyone.

But then she heard it.

"Santana?"

It wasn't Karofsky, it didn't sound anything like him. The voice was small and feminine and Santana let out the air she'd been holding in.

Brittany was on the other side of the door.

She started toward the door, breathing deeply, trying to get herself calm enough to say something. Her hands were shaking, and she clenched them into fists.

"I'll be right out, okay?"

There was a moment of silence, and Santana breathed deeply again and slowly blew the air out even and she started toweling herself dry.

"What just happened? Why did you scream?"

"I just…turned the wrong knob first," she lied, and she held her breath.

"Okay. Hurry up, okay? I want to talk to you about something."

She had to bite her knuckle to keep herself from sobbing as relief crashed through her. Somehow, it only just dawned that she was safe, for now, and she gasped.

She knew right away that Brittany heard her, because she tried the door only to find that Santana had locked it.

"San? Are you crying? Why did you lock the door?"

Normally, Santana didn't even bother locking the door because no one ever came into her bathroom. Unless Brittany was there, and she didn't mind if she walked in on Santana showering.

"I'm almost ready." Santana said, her voice hoarse. She took a moment to close her eyes and breathe.

She quickly got dressed in sweatpants and a big shirt, before she glanced at herself in the mirror. The bruises around her neck and throat were even more prominent in daylight and she gritted her teeth as she covered them up with her concealer.

Her head was still pounding but even as she prepared herself mentally to step out of the bathroom, she knew it was going to be hard. Brittany always seemed to look right through her facade of bitchiness and there was no way she could keep up an act in the state that she was in.

She quickly grabbed her brush, knowing that Brittany loved to brush her hair while they talked, and opened the door.

Brittany gasped. "Wow, you look rough."

"I know," Santana murmured as she handed Brittany the brush. "Mami assumed I was hungover."

"You look like it."

"I didn't drink last night...I just couldn't sleep after you left."

It wasn't a lie, exactly. She had trouble sleeping since Brittany wasn't there to hold her and keep the nightmares away. She felt like she'd only started having the first one because Brittany had left.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Brush my hair for me?"

"Really?" Brittany smiled brightly before she bit her lip and nodded her head. "I'd love to...it'll distract me from my bad thoughts."

Something changed on Brittany's face, and Santana wasn't sure she'd ever seen her look that serious before.

"What's wrong, Britt?" Santana asked, her apprehension clear, but her worry winning. "What do you mean, bad thoughts?"

Brittany didn't respond until they had settled and she was finally brushing Santana's hair. Even though she was hurting all over, Santana enjoyed it.

"I talked to my mom this morning-"

"About what?"

"We talked about Artie and me, and about you and me," Brittany said after another silence. Santana closed her eyes, enjoying the way Brittany gently pulled the brush through her hair as she let her words sink in.

Brittany's mother was amazing, and Santana always loved spending time at the Pierce residence. Brittany had always been open about her sexuality, but Santana hadn't wanted anyone to know about her until she was sure about what it was she was feeling.

Brittany didn't even need to worry, and sometimes that frustrated Santana more than anything.

"Okay. What about you and Artie...and you and me?" She asked, forcing herself not to get upset with Brittany. How could Brittany know how much it hurt Santana to even think about them being together after everything that had happened?

"It actually was more about you and me because I told her about what happened last night," Brittany said, and stopped brushing.

"Britt…"

"It's just...you've been shutting me out but then she reminded me that I've been shutting you out just as bad. I didn't know what to do when you told me you were in love with me, I froze. It tore me apart because I was still with Artie." Brittany sighed, and resumed her brushing even though Santana knew she was done.

"Yea, I know."

She knew all too well. Her mind was racing with all the thoughts, but mostly with the thought that Brittany had told her mother about her confession.

"So my mom said that she knows I love you too and I really, really like you...like, more than a friend and she said that I just had to talk to you and see if we could...maybe try and be something more than friends."

The way Brittany rushed to say everything she wanted to say told Santana that she was nervous and in any other situation, she might have thought it was cute.

She didn't know what to say, though, because everything had changed and she couldn't just jump into anything anymore, not with the threats hanging above her head.

Santana cleared her throat, wishing she could give Brittany what she wanted but everything was more complicated now.

"Britt...I'm with Dave now."

"Oh…" Brittany backed away and handed Santana the brush back. "Of course...I didn't even think about that, I'm sorry."

Santana turned and took Brittany's hand in hers, squeezing tightly.

"I love you, okay? I still love you like I've never loved anyone before, but I have to try this with Dave."

"Of course."

"God," Santana gritted out, running a hand through her hair. "I really fucked up didn't I?"

Brittany smiled, but it didn't show in her eyes. "No, you didn't. We can still be best friends, and whenever you...end it with Dave we can see where this goes, right?"

Santana nodded her head, but her thoughts went back to how she said Artie was just a stupid boy, and how she was now choosing a boy over the one she was in love with.

She wished she could go back a couple of weeks and change everything.

Her lashing out at Brittany had caused all of this.

"I'm so sorry Britt...I really am."

Brittany just nodded, and Santana bit her lip to stop herself from saying more.

"You know what we're going to do?" Brittany asked.

"No?"

Brittany held out her hand, and Santana blinked down at it before she took it in her own hand.

"We're going to watch TV, and cuddle, like we always do when we hang out," she said matter of factly, and Santana smiled. "I don't know about you, but I'm still exhausted from the party and I just want to lay in bed and do nothing."

Santana took a deep, cleansing breath. "Yea...me too."

They settled down together on the bed, with Brittany leaning her back against the headrest and Santana cuddled in her arms. The silence between them was back to being more comfortable and for a moment, Santana was afraid she'd fall asleep.

"You seem more tired than I feel."

"I...I couldn't sleep after you left."

"How come? What happened?"

The concern in Brittany's voice almost had Santana wanting to tell her everything, but she kept hearing his voice in her head threatening to hurt Brittany if she ever told anyone what happened.

She was already on edge, and she did want to tell someone, but she didn't want it to be Brittany. Her best friend was still innocent, even after everything that she'd already done, but she wasn't stupid.

"Geez," Santana pressed her lips tightly together and blinked away the tears that burned her eyes. If she wasn't careful she would tell Brittany everything. "I can't...I can't tell you Britt."

All she wanted, all she'd ever wanted, was to keep Brittany safe and if that meant dealing with everything on her own, she would.

Brittany was silent for a moment and Santana tensed, trying not to blurt out what was bothering her, or even what happened last night.

"I thought we told each other everything...what happened last night that you can't tell me, San? What changed?" Brittany asked, pushing her a little more than Santana was comfortable with.

"Please stop asking me...please?" Santana knew that Brittany wanted to know, because everything was changing and it was happening fast, but she also knew she couldn't tell her anything that might cause even more issues.

Her heart shattered at just the thought of losing Brittany over this, which was a big possibility.

Brittany sighed, and shifted behind Santana. There was a change in the air around them, and before Santana could apologize again, Brittany got up from behind her and stood in front of her.

"I can do that," she murmured and Santana smiled. For a moment, they just stared into each other's eyes, and then Brittany's expression changed.

"What?"

Brittany shook her head, and before Santana could react, Brittany pulled up the shirt she was wearing and gasped at the bruises on her stomach.

"What happened?"

"Britt! Stop!"

Santana pushed her hands away, but it was too late. Brittany had already seen the bruises.

"What happened, San? Who hit you?" Brittany gritted out. "Those are handprints!" She tried to lift Santana's shirt again, but Santana moved away and slipped out of the bed on the other side.

"Don't you ever do that again," she breathed out.

"But...Santana, who did this to you? Who grabbed you?"

Santana closed her eyes, even though she knew Brittany would want answers. She needed to think of something to tell Brittany, even if it was only half of a truth.

"Please, Britt," Santana murmured as she felt the first tears slide down her face. She didn't know how she could hold herself anymore, and she leaned forward on the bed and bit her lip. "Please don't ask me to tell you…"

Brittany walked around the bed and Santana sobbed, and then Brittany wrapped her arms around her and pulled her against her chest.

"What happened, San?"

Santana knew what was happening. Brittany thought she would be able to help if she knew, but Santana knew it was too late. She had made the biggest mistake of her life the night before, when she had taken a shower and had washed away all the evidence against David.

She would never be able to prove that he had raped her.

"Oh my God…"

"Santana, please just tell me what's wrong? Who did this to you?" Even Brittany had tears in her eyes, and Santana knew she was watching her with so much love, even without being able to see her.

Santana turned around in Brittany's arms, and held on for a moment longer to enjoy the comfort that she was giving her. She couldn't look at Brittany, not when she was telling her something that was a lie.

"You know...after Dave-after you…"

"Yea," Brittany said, unknowingly helping Santana. Brittany knew what Santana meant, even though she couldn't even get the words out.

"Well...I went upstairs and I...this guy came into the room and he tried to...you know…" She breathed in deeply even as the memories of the night before overwhelmed her.

Brittany tensed, and pulled back to look at Santana.

"What?"

Santana shook her head, not really knowing what to say. She couldn't tell Brittany what happened because Dave would hurt her too, and she could never let something like that happen to Brittany.

"He um...he tried to have sex with me," Santana stumbled over the lie and she hated it. She hated that she had to lie to keep Brittany safe, and she felt like Brittany somehow knew she was lying.

Brittany stared at her for a moment, but when Santana didn't say any more, she sighed.

"So what happened? Did someone stop him?" She asked and then she widened her eyes before Santana could even respond. "It was Dave, wasn't it? That's why you're going out with him, because he saved you?"

"It was David, yes," Santana replied, but she meant something completely different. "But I'm not dating him because he saved me, we've been talking a lot before last night and I just didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't know if it was going anywhere." She hated the fact that she was lying so much to her best friend. All she wanted was to crawl in a hole and cry, she felt so bad.

"So...what happened? Do you know the guy that...that attacked you?" Brittany asked, her voice breaking. Santana shrugged, because of course she knew but she wouldn't tell Brittany.

She had to keep to her story that she didn't know who had tried to rape her, because that was going to keep Brittany safe from him.

"I don't know, I'd seen him a couple of times at some of the other parties at Puck's, but I don't know his name. He said I'd been teasing him all night," she forced herself to get into the act. She looked up at Brittany with a frown. "Look, nothing happened, and I'm fine. I'm just a little shaken up, you know?"

Brittany shook her head. "Why didn't you just tell me what happened last night?"

"I don't know, Britt."

"You said we had to be honest with each other, but you don't want to tell me everything?"

"I told you, didn't I? I'm telling you now that nothing happened and I'm fine. I just...I was trying to process it alone." Santana sighed, and Brittany nodded. "Come on, I just told you I'm fine, let's just cuddle? Don't worry so much."

"Okay, but can you promise to tell me if something is wrong? Because I know you enough to know something is wrong. Please, I just want you to tell me, because you know that you can."

Brittany ended the conversation by turning around and sitting down on the bed again, her back against the headboard, her attention back on the cartoons on TV.

Santana sighed as she leaned back against the headboard next to Brittany.

She knew she loved spending time with Brittany and she didn't want to ruin their friendship.

* * *

The moment that Brittany had left, Santana got up from her bed and changed into something more presentable for dinner, but made sure that it wouldn't aggravate her bruises.

Moving already hurt more than enough, she didn't want to add clothes to the mix that would hurt her.

She glanced around her room and sighed, when she realized that she could at least straighten it a little. She had been slacking in that department and she needed to clean it up, she needed the therapy.

She picked up all the discarded clothes, and brought them to the hamper in her bathroom.

Only to realize her bathroom was a mess too.

She'd taken multiple showers in the past couple of days and she hadn't even bothered wiping down the shower or anything else in the bathroom.

She made her way back to her room and turned on some Amy Winehouse, before she stood in the middle of her room and tried to decide where to begin.

It didn't take her long to get into the groove of cleaning her room, mostly because she usually did it regularly, and before she knew it she was halfway done and her body protested against even more movement.

She turned up the music, and skipped a couple of songs to get to the one she wanted, and then continued her cleaning.

Santana danced around the room with the rag in one hand and the duster in the other, slowly cleaning around her while she sang along with Amy.

She was almost done, and she knew it was close to dinner time. Her parents were home, she had heard her mother call out but she hadn't responded.

She was sure her voice was rough, and she needed to feel a little more like herself when she went down for dinner.

Her bedroom door opened, and there was her mother with clean clothes and a change of bedding. Santana stopped dancing and swallowed thickly.

"I can turn down the music," she said, instead of whatever was dying to get out. "Thanks, for the laundry."

Maribel smiled. "Let me help you, we can change the bed together before we go down for dinner."

They worked in silence, but Santana could feel her mother's eyes on her. It was evenly unsettling and comforting at the same time. There was something in the way her mother always seemed to know something was wrong with her, even if Santana didn't always tell her.

"How's Abuelita?"

"She was fine," Maribel replied, before she straightened up. "How is your head?"

Santana cleared her throat and shrugged. "It's fine. No more headache."

"Dinner is almost ready," her mother said and Santana nodded her head, not even sure what to expect next. "Are you ready for school tomorrow?"

"I guess," Santana replied softly. She wasn't sure she would be ready for school ever, especially now that she had agreed to start dating David.

Only the thought of him made her shiver and she rubbed a hand over her arm. Maribel narrowed her eyes but didn't say anything, and Santana was grateful for it.

"Why don't we go down to see if dinner is ready?"

* * *

Santana had a hard time eating anything, and she knew she was playing with her food and she was more than sure that her mother noticed it.

The way she was watching her without trying to be obvious was still unsettling.

"Your mother told me that you were hungover this morning," her father's voice cut through the silence at the table and Santana breathed in before she looked up at him. "You know how I feel about you getting drunk, Santana."

"I'm sorry Papi."

She didn't want to get into a fight or an argument, not when she was already feeling like she was about to fall apart at any moment.

"We talked about your alcohol abuse, didn't we?"

"She doesn't abuse alcohol, Diego."

"She drinks more than I do."

Santana looked down at her plate and gritted her teeth. Tears were burning in her eyes and she did not want to cry in front of her father.

"I wasn't really drunk last night."

Her father lifted a brow and then turned toward her mother. "Do you hear that? She wasn't drunk!" He laughed humorlessly.

"I wasn't...I didn't have that much to drink."

She knew it was still a lie, but it was somewhat better than her father looking at her with that much disappointment.

"Well, that's a relief. And what about that girl staying over?"

"Brittany?" Santana leaned back, confused at the turn of conversation.

"Brittany, yes. Why does she keep staying over?"

"She's my friend," Santana said, a frown on her face. "She's been staying over all through summer."

"Diego," Maribel said, her voice carrying a warning tone. "Leave the girls be."

"She's only spending time with that floozy, what if-"

"I have a boyfriend," Santana blurted out, even if it was only to stop him from saying what he had been dying to accuse her of. "I have a boyfriend."

The silence at the table was so thick you could cut it with a knife and Santana wanted nothing more than to disappear. She could see the confusion on her mother's face, but her father looked proud.

"Who is this boy?"

"David Karofsky," Santana said, her heart skipping a beat at the sound of his name and her hands shaking in her lap. "We've been talking, and he asked me out on a date."

"David?" Maribel looked ready to demand Santana to break it off, but she didn't say a word.

"Good! He's a strong boy, he knows how to take care of a woman," Diego said, the smile on his face brightening. "Bring him over for dinner sometime, Santana."

Even though she doubted that it would ever happen, she inclined her head and forced herself to take a bite of her food. She knew it would end the conversation in a way nothing else could and she didn't know if she could keep up a conversation about David Karofsky without wanting to throw up.

The silence went back to being uncomfortable, and she could feel her mother's eyes on her again, but she ignored it all as she forced herself to at least finish half of her plate.

When she noticed that they had finished, she got up and took their plates into the kitchen.

She leaned against the kitchen counter and closed her eyes, trying to calm her stomach, and forcing herself to think of something other than the night before. It was making her feel sick, and she wanted to cry.

"You know, it's a surprise that you choose him over any other boy you have been spending time with," Maribel murmured, and Santana tensed and opened her eyes, her stomach lurching.

"You can't choose who you like," Santana said, pressing a hand against her stomach. "Would you have picked Papi?"

"Always," Maribel said with a smile, but after a moment it faded again. "I worry, baby. I worry about you with that boy, because you're strong too."

"What does that mean?"

Maribel shook her head, but watched Santana closely. "It doesn't really matter, does it? You will do what you want."

Santana bit her lip to stop the words from falling out and then nodded her head.

"Yes, I will."

"I will do the dishes...you should go up and get ready for school tomorrow."

And just like that, Santana was being dismissed.

* * *

Her phone had been charging on her nightstand during dinner, and the moment that she walked into her room, it lit up.

Her bed looked inviting as she got ready to take another shower, and all she wanted was to sleep for days. She needed to get herself together if she didn't want people to know how she was feeling, and that meant building the walls around her.

She needed those walls to survive actually dating Dave, and making sure that Brittany was safe.

Before she took a shower, she made her way to her phone to check her messages. Brittany had called twice, and she had a couple of texts.

**_Hey, I don't know what happened but there are rumors already going around. Text me! Quinn_ **

**_Can you come pick me up tomorrow morning? We can start the day together, right? XO B_ **

**_Are you upset with me? XO B_ **

Santana breathed in deeply and shook her head at Brittany's latest text.

_**No. I'll pick you up in the morning. XO S** _

She didn't even bother replying to Quinn's text, knowing that they would be talking about it all night if she did. All she wanted was to take a shower and go to sleep, and so that is what she did.


	4. Chapter 4

It was just a regular Monday.

She was going to pick up Brittany, because Brittany always wanted to spend some time together before school. Santana didn't think it was a bad idea, after the way the weekend had gone.

When she woke up, her head was throbbing and she wondered if she was ever going to forget about what had happened that weekend. She doubted it.

Her phone told her it was already close to seven, and she needed to hurry if she wanted to be at Brittany's on time, so she rushed out of bed and quickly took a shower and got dressed. She applied her regular make-up and then added some concealer, to make sure that the bruises around her neck weren't visible.

She still had a couple of minutes, so she pulled her hair back in a Cheerios regulated ponytail before she made her way down the stairs.

"Santana, take something with you, you can't skip breakfast," Maribel called from the kitchen and Santana rolled her eyes as she rushed back into the kitchen.

"I don't have time," she said when she saw that her mother had made her toast and eggs. "I'm sorry Mami."

"It's fine. Just take something with you. I have those little yogurt cups you like," she said, before she opened the fridge and pulled out one of the cups.

"Thank you Mami," Santana replied with a smile before she took the yogurt and quickly grabbed a spoon. "I'll eat it while I'm waiting for Britt."

"Good. Have fun at school."

"I will," Santana said, with as much conviction as she could muster, before she rushed out the door. She had left her books in the car, and she was grateful for it because it saved her some time.

She started her car and threw the yogurt cup on the passenger's seat, before she pulled out of the driveway and onto the road. She loved the early mornings, where no one was awake yet and she was the only one on the road.

When she got to Brittany's, she honked the horn, and quickly grabbed the yogurt. She knew it would take Brittany a while before she got out of the house and she just wanted to keep her promise to her mother.

She finished the yogurt just as Brittany opened the door and got out, followed by her mother. Santana opened her car door and stood, waving at Susan before she turned toward Brittany.

"Hey," she said, her voice raspier than usual for some reason.

"Hey," Brittany grinned, and then turned back to her mother. "I'll see you later."

"Have fun at school, honey!"

Brittany opened the car door and Santana slipped back into her seat.

"How'd you sleep?" Brittany asked, after taking in her appearance. "And why are you wearing that shirt? Didn't you get rid of that?"

Santana looked down at her long sleeved shirt, and then shrugged. "It's helping me hide the bruises."

Brittany's face fell. It looked like she had forgotten all about the day before.

"Right," she murmured before she buckled her seatbelt. "Should we go?"

Santana hummed, and buckled her own seatbelt before she started the car again. She was just about to pull away when her phone buzzed in her pocket. Rolling her eyes, she pulled it out.

Pick me up too? I have no ride. Quinn

"Quinn?" Brittany asked, and Santana hummed.

"She has no ride...I just hate it when she does this."

Ever since Quinn had started hooking up with Sam, she hardly had time to spend with her friends, and Santana had started to accept it. She didn't know how to lie to Quinn about what had happened, because she always seemed to see right through what she was saying.

Quinn also hardly ever texted her for a ride, because she had her own car.

"Why?"

Santana shrugged and then changed the subject. "I'm sorry for the weekend though...I was being a bitch and I didn't mean to shut you out like that."

Brittany smiled. "That's fine, we talked about it."

"We did...I just felt like I needed to apologize one more time."

Santana drove to Quinn's house, and honked the horn for the second time that morning. It didn't take Quinn long to get into the car, and once she was buckled in, Santana started driving again.

"Where's your car?" Brittany asked Quinn.

"It's in the garage. There's something with the brakes and I didn't want to risk getting in an accident just because Russel didn't want to have it fixed."

The silence that followed that statement was heavy, but neither Brittany nor Quinn had anything else to talk about apparently, and Santana didn't feel like starting up a conversation.

She parked the car at the parking lot in front of the school, and waited a moment before both Quinn and Brittany had gotten out before she turned off the engine and got out of the car. She felt stiff and her body throbbed as she moved, and she gritted her teeth and hoped that neither of her friends noticed that she was in pain.

She glanced around, and wondered if anyone would notice that something was different about her. She felt different.

She somehow felt him approach before she saw him, and she bit her lip before she turned toward Brittany and Quinn.

"You go on ahead, I'll be right behind you," she said, gently pushing Brittany away from her before she turned her back on them.

Her body was tense and she wished she could go with them, but she didn't want them to be around David more than they should be, especially because he had threatened Brittany.

"Hey babe," Karofsky said before he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

She pushed her hands against his chest, and breathed in shallowly before she forced a smile. "Hey."

"How did your little lady friend react when she found out that we're dating now?"

The menace in his voice made Santana shiver and she wanted to push away from him, but he was holding her tight enough to keep her in place. She looked up and into his eyes before she swallowed.

"She was happy for us," she lied, and then added a smile for good measure.

"Good. Because from now on, we'll spend a lot of time together," Dave said and then stepped back, his hand grazing her ass before he winked at her.

She held her breath, and waited until he was out of sight before she slowly leaned against her car, her legs too weak to hold her up any longer. Her hands were shaking, and she knew she needed to get herself together before she walked into the building.

She wanted the day to be over already, but she felt like there was still more to come, especially because David wanted everyone to know they were dating.

* * *

She stood with her back to the hallway, her eyes closed as she leaned into her locker as if she was getting something. Her heart was still pounding in her chest and she felt like she would never feel okay.

"Hey Lopez, I heard you hooked up with Karofsky at the party."

Santana turned, her cheeks hot and her eyes narrowed at Puck. He stood on the other side of the hallway and she knew he'd called out to her on purpose.

It felt wrong having to agree with and go along with the story that David wanted her to spin. She would, to keep Brittany safe, but it still felt wrong.

"Who told you?"

"He did," Puck grinned and clapped his hand on her shoulder. Her body tensed before she could even think about it and she prayed he wouldn't notice.

"You know I hate it when people talk about me behind my back, Puck," she said instead of confirming what Dave had said.

"I do, which is why I came to you to talk to you about what I heard," he replied with a grin. He moved closer, and Santana was grateful for it because that meant he wasn't yelling across the hallway. "Dave said you guys had sex in my room."

Santana swallowed thickly and pushed him away. "We hit it off, that's true, but we didn't have sex. Some asshole tried to rape me and he saved me."

"Oh shit, I didn't know," Puck murmured, finally lowering his voice. "Who did this? Who's ass do I have to kick?"

"No, it's fine," Santana said quickly. For a split second she wanted to tell Puck everything that had happened because she knew he would kick Karofsky's ass for her if she wanted.

She let the moment pass though, because she couldn't risk Brittany.

"Karofsky is trouble though."

Santana raised a brow. "I know. But I don't have to tell you that I'm trouble too."

She left him standing there, staring at her as she walked away toward her first class of the day. It felt right to be able to at least bring back some of herself.

* * *

Santana made her way into the cafeteria, and she glanced around to see if she could find Brittany. It was a surprise to see Brittany, together with Sam and Quinn, their heads close.

She frowned, and slowly made her way over to the table, glad that none of them had spotted her yet. She was almost close enough to hear what they were whispering about when Brittany looked up and spotted her.

It was like a switch had been turned on and they all smiled at her, but she knew that they'd been talking about her by the guilty looks on their faces.

"Is this a blondes only meeting or am I allowed to join?" When none of them answered, but just looked back at her, she lifted a brow. "Why so guilty?"

Brittany stood to her feet, a frown on her face. "I...we're just worried about you."

"Stop worrying about me," Santana replied. The more she thought about it, the more annoyed she got that everyone seemed to have something to say about her dating Dave. "Why don't you just worry about yourself?"

Quinn stood to her feet, her eyes narrowed. "Stop being so rude, she's just worried about you and to be honest, so am I. It's not like you to just agree to date David Karofsky, you never really lower yourself to that standard and you told Brittany that you were in love with her."

"Really? Are you serious right now, Britt? You told Quinn about it too?"

"I didn't know it was a secret," Brittany replied, her cheeks flushed and her own eyes flashing with anger. "You never said you wanted to keep it a secret, Santana."

Santana stared at Brittany for a moment, speechless.

"You know what, I'm not even hungry anymore," Santana said, before she turned on her heels and walked away, her head held high even though all she wanted to do was cry.

She made it all the way to her locker without running into anyone and she breathed a sigh of relief. She glanced around before she opened her locker, even though she wasn't even sure what she was looking for, before she closed it again and gasped when she saw him standing next to her.

She could feel her face turn cold and she did everything in her power to keep the mask in place, even though her entire body was slowly starting to shake.

"Let's go have lunch together," he said. He didn't wait for an answer but grabbed her hand and pulled her into his side. "Everyone can know we're together now, right?"

Her breathing changed and she hummed even though she felt breathless.

"Of course," she replied when he squeezed her a little tighter, and cleared her throat. "Everyone can know."

She had no choice but to let him lead her back toward the cafeteria, where he steered her away from Brittany, Quinn and Sam. It was the only thing she was relieved about.

Her body didn't seem like her own.

"What would you like?"

"I'm not really hungry," she said, her voice hoarse.

He seemed to accept it, but when it was their turn he ordered for her anyway. She knew she couldn't eat anything with him in her space.

She was still working on keeping her mask on, even though she could feel it slipping as she spent more time with him. She avoided looking at her friends, because she just *knew* they would see her distress the moment they could see her face.

All through the lunch period, Santana smiled and looked at him as if she was looking at Brittany, making sure that everyone that would look at them, saw that she was in love with him.

It was one of the hardest things she'd ever have to do, and she knew it wouldn't just be this once.

And when lunch period was over, he led her to her next class, only to press her against the wall next to the door, and then kiss her hard and rough.

She almost choked on his tongue when he pushed it into her mouth, and her entire body felt weak. She didn't know if she was able to keep herself up, because at that moment all that was holding her up was his body and the pressure he was using.

She wondered how long she would be able to keep the mask on.

* * *

Santana stayed away from Brittany for the rest of the day, knowing that they would have to talk about what happened at lunch, but also dreading that particular conversation.

She couldn't think of anything to say to Brittany that would make it all alright again, because in her mind it *wouldn't* be okay.

They might never get back what they had, but she also didn't want to bring danger to Brittany. She knew she needed to keep her distance, if only for Brittany's safety.

It was only when she got to the car that she remembered that both Brittany and Quinn had hitched a ride with her, and she knew that meant she had to wait for them.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and texted them both.

_**Waiting by the car. S** _

She leaned back against the car and glanced around. She loved to people watch, and everyone was leaving. It was an amazing time consumer, as she waited for Brittany and Quinn.

She checked her phone for any new messages, even though she knew she hadn't gotten any. After the party, she didn't like to be alone for long periods of time, because the moment she was alone, he could corner her at any time.

"Hey."

Speak of the devil.

Santana grunted in surprise when he pressed her against the car, with a knee between her legs, and he kissed her hard. She almost gagged on his tongue, before she adjusted and played along.

There were too many people around, getting ready to leave and saying goodbye to their friends, for her to be able to justify pushing away her 'boyfriend'.

She _let_ him kiss her, even though her entire body felt cold and his touch made her skin crawl. She _let_ him, but she could feel the way he was trying to get a reaction out of her.

Good or bad, she didn't know.

Someone made a sound of disgust behind Dave and Santana pushed against his shoulder. He pulled back, his eyes hooded.

"Maybe you should tell your friends that I'll drive you home," he whispered close to her ear and she shivered.

Before she could think about it, he spun around to face Quinn and Brittany. Santana knew right away that it had been Quinn that had made the sound.

"Can you drop Brittany off at home, Q? I'll have Dave drop me off at your place so I can pick up my car," Santana said, and Quinn looked ready to protest.

Santana had trouble catching her breath and it only made things seem worse than they were. She knew she should be grateful that Brittany and Quinn finally seemed to believe that there was something going on between the two of them.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Brittany said but it seemed hesitant and Santana lifted a brow. "Didn't you say you never want someone else to drive your car?"

"Times change," Santana breathed, and Quinn huffed. "Quinn, can you do that?"

"Yea," Quinn replied, attitude in her tone. She held out her hand, while the other settled on her hip. "Give me the keys, and then take that grossness somewhere else."

"Thanks, ladies," Karofsky said with a grin, before he pulled Santana along with him, his hand tight on her hip. Santana didn't dare to look back to her friends, but she felt like a stone had just dropped in her stomach.

She was sure that this meant that they would stop asking questions, if only because David had been more than clear in his intentions.

* * *

Trapped.

She was trapped and there was no way out of the situation.

There was nothing she could do to make this better, to get out of this car, not without bringing trouble and danger to her best friend.

She didn't want to get Brittany in trouble just because she wanted out.

"I think they finally accepted us together."

Santana clenched her jaw and hummed, afraid of what she might say if she opened her mouth.

He drove them around in silence for a while and she felt like he was looking for a nice spot to park, but she didn't want to think about what might happen if he found the perfect spot.

"I can't hang out all day," she said, finally finding a way to keep herself from snapping at him. She wanted to get away, but she was trapped.

Trapped.

"I know, I just want to spend some time with you," he said, and something seemed different. She frowned and turned toward him only to see the glitter in his eyes.

He was a great actor.

"I'm not really into hanging out in the car. Maybe try something else next time," she grunted out before she turned back toward the window, and stared out of it.

"I will. I was thinking this Friday, we go on our first real date. Now that people know that we're dating, we can go out and have some fun."

Santana pursed her lips. She didn't want to go on a real date with him, but she knew she didn't have a choice.

"What's your plan?"

"I was hoping you'd go to Breadstix with me, we can do dinner and a movie, or just do dinner...or the movie."

He seemed nervous and Santana turned back to look at him again.

He _looked_ nervous.

She felt trapped.

She didn't like him, she was only dating him because he had threatened Brittany, and she needed to stop thinking he was serious about being nice to her.

"Dinner and a movie."

Santana turned to look at him, and narrowed her eyes.

"We can have dinner at Breadstix."

"Sure."

She turned back again, ready to ignore him the rest of his planned drive around town, but then his hand found her knee and she tensed.

She had to remind herself that she had agreed to being his girlfriend, even though he had threatened Brittany, before she was able to force herself to relax.

Her skin crawled where he was touching her hand then his hand moved up, and she covered it with her own.

"I don't think your car is the place to start this."

Her voice sounded breathless even to her own ears and she saw the smirk on his face in the window, even as he moved his hand further up her leg.

"I think anywhere is the place to start this. My girlfriend is the hottest bitch in school and I get to fuck her every time I feel like it."

Santana forced herself to breathe, and smile, even though she felt like her face had turned numb and her hands were shaking.

"It's not very romantic to have sex in a car."

"Who cares about romance?"

"I do."

He was silent for a moment, his hand still on her thigh, and then he squeezed her and pulled his hand back.

She didn't want to take a breath of relief, but she did breathe in slowly, before she breathed out softly. She hated feeling this trapped, with nowhere to go. She was lying to her friends, and she knew they wouldn't believe her if she told them what was going on anyway.

Who would believe her, over him?

She had been promiscuous enough in the past, before she professed her love for Brittany, and she knew that he would have been on the list before she figured out how in love she was with her best friend.

Anything to keep herself from thinking about her feelings.

"I'll drop you off at Quinn's."

"Thanks."

"I can't wait for Friday though," he grinned at her. "We'll get to know each other better, spend some time together just...the two of us."

"I can't wait," she gritted out, her head starting to pound with the tension she was keeping close to her chest. "You know where she lives?"

"Of course." Dave lifted a brow as he turned onto Quinn's street. "I'll come pick you up tomorrow for school."

"I can't, " Santana said without missing a beat and she closed her eyes for a split second before she turned toward him, with what she hoped was an apologetic smile on her face. "I can't hang out tomorrow after school. I have stuff to do."

"I can drop you off at home," David said, his eyes hardening.

Trapped.

"I...I can't." She breathed in deeply. "I have to help my mom with some stuff."

He narrowed his eyes and turned toward her for a moment, and she shivered at the anger she saw there.

"Fine."

He stopped the car abruptly and she grunted when the seatbelt cut into the skin just above her collarbone.

At least he had dropped her off at the right house.

"Thank you. See you tomorrow," she said as she unbuckled her seatbelt and reached for the door.

"Wait."

She stopped, her body freezing when she realized what he wanted, before she turned and smiled.

"What?"

"Kiss me like you mean it."

She leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss on his lips, and then pulled back. She was certain he would be okay with it, until she saw his face.

Again, he was faster than she could process and pulled her closer before he kissed her once again. She let him, and tried to keep up with him to make his lips less bruising.

He moaned, and she felt like she was going to throw up.

When she pulled back, he let her, and smiled down at her. "I'm so turned on right now, that's the first time today you actually kissed me back."

She swallowed thickly and almost gagged on the taste of her saliva, before she opened the door and got out without a word. When she looked up, she saw Quinn staring at her with something similar to judgment, but not really.

"That was gross to watch."

"No one told you to watch." Santana cleared her throat and crossed her arms over her chest, hoping to stop her hand from shaking. "Do you have my keys?"

Quinn handed her the keys to her car and pointed toward the driveway behind her, where the car was parked. "Britt was kind of upset that you bailed on her."

"Yea, I'll make up to her for it," Santana murmured as she walked around Quinn and unlocked her car. "Thanks for dropping her off, though. And for keeping my car safe."

Quinn wanted to say more, but Santana simply cut off any chance of a conversation happening by getting in her car, and pulling out of the driveway.

She waved at Quinn though, and was proud of the way she held herself together until she was out of sight.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a heatwave here, and it's way too hot to sit here writing with this laptop on my lap...so it will take me a couple of days before I can comfortably write again. I had this ready to go but then life got in the way so I'm hoping it isn't too late ;)   
> Enjoy!

The week went by without anything big happening.

Santana worked hard to make sure that she didn't spend more time alone with Karofsky than she absolutely had to, but Friday was slowly coming closer and he wanted more from her than she was willing or even able to give.

Brittany didn't talk to her for days, and she missed her.

Santana wanted nothing more than to make up for leaving her stranded, but she had no idea how. Brittany seemed to have completely shut down, and Santana knew how hard it would be to get through to her.

She laced her ice cold fingers with David's, and let herself be led into the school as if it was the most normal thing to do. Her eyes flashed back and forth, subconsciously looking for Brittany even though she knew she wasn't there yet.

She had waited for her friend outside of her house for the third morning in a row, only to be told by Susan that Brittany wasn't ready yet. She knew it was to avoid her as much as possible.

Today though, they had a class together and Santana wasn't about to let Brittany get away again. She _would_ get her chance to explain and apologize for her mistakes.

Usually, Brittany would come over or even call when she was upset, but even though Santana had tried to get a hold of her, Brittany hadn't returned her calls or even texted her back.

It hurt, but she knew she'd been a bitch to her own friend, she had ignored her and had dismissed her worries without a second thought. Her stomach hurt just thinking about it, and she couldn't imagine how bad that must have felt for Brittany.

When Dave stopped, she looked up and glanced around once again, still disappointed when she didn't see Brittany, and then slowly pulled her hand out of his.

"I'll see you after class?"

"Of course," Santana mumbled, even as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and started typing a message. She glanced up at him, and flashed him a smile, before she turned around and walked out of his grasp before he realized she was gone.

She stared down at the message, hesitating for a moment, before she pressed send.

_**Britt...please? I know you're mad but please let me explain! XO S** _

She sat down in her usual chair, and stared at her phone as if it would make Brittany respond faster. She just wanted to talk to her friend, spend time with her friend, even though she knew she couldn't tell her the truth.

Class was just about to start when her phone buzzed on her desk, and she pulled it toward her before the teacher noticed.

_**I don't know, San. You really hurt me. I don't want you to leave me out in the cold again. B** _

_**I just want one chance to explain, please? XO S** _

She put her phone away just in time. The teacher started the class, and Santana knew it would take Brittany as long to reply.

* * *

_**You know I can never say no to you. I'll drive home with you, but straight home. B** _

Santana grinned before she focused on opening her locker.

School was already over halfway done and she couldn't wait to get some time alone with Brittany, and the chance to explain what was going on.

She knew Brittany wanted to know more about the situation than just the reason why Santana had picked Dave over her, and she needed to think of a good enough reason to get her friendship back on track.

She really missed Brittany.

Her phone buzzed again and she looked down at it, thinking, _hoping_ it was Brittany again. She was already late, a couple of minutes later didn't really matter.

_**Wear a pretty dress tomorrow, babe.** _

She gritted her teeth when she realized who had sent her the text, even though she still hadn't added his number to her phone.

She looked up, and turned around just in time to see him stroll toward her with a smirk on his face. She had gotten to know that smirk all too well, and she prepared for another one of his kisses.

Even though she could, in fact, stop him, she never did.

She felt trapped.

She closed her locker and closed her eyes, just a moment, but long enough for her to get ready for him.

Instead of David ambushing her, she kissed him the moment he reached her and he hummed against her lips. It made her stomach turn but she pasted on a smile when she pulled back, knowing she was a great actress.

As long as people didn't really know her.

"Now that's what I'm talking about," David said with a smile before he pulled away. "Tomorrow, we're going to have an amazing time and I can't wait."

Santana forced herself to keep the smile on her face. "Me either. Listen, I have stuff to do later, so we can't hang out today."

"Again?" Dave asked, his eyebrows raised. "You've had _stuff_ to do all week after school."

"I usually do, because I help my mother almost every day."

Santana ran her hand over his arm, hoping to calm him down. He had issues with his anger, she'd noticed that in all the ways he had hurt her without realizing it.

The bruises on her arms from him gripping her because she'd said something he didn't like, were very prominent and she kept having to wear longer sleeved shirts just to hide them.

He pushed her against the lockers with his body, and her head started to pound even as her heart sped up. She breathed in shallowly, knowing what was coming.

"Dave-"

"I thought we agreed that we were dating now, huh? Doesn't that mean spending time together...outside of school?"

"It does, I just-"

"You just have to get your shit together and tell your mother to suck it, you have me now. You'll spend more time with _me_ , you understand?" He looked down on her and Santana gave him a tiny nod, her entire body shaking.

Her mind flashed back to the party.

To him on top of her, grunting.

She pursed her lips and swallowed thickly, her stomach heaving even as she looked away from him. She needed to get away, but she had nowhere to go.

She'd trapped herself.

"Dave," she whispered, pressing her hands against his chest, "We are spending time together tomorrow." She wanted nothing more than to get away, but she knew she had to diffuse his anger.

"I _know_ ," he gritted. His hand was on her arm before she could stop him and he pulled her away from the lockers, only to push her back. She almost bit her tongue and she grunted when the back of her head slammed into the lockers. "Fucking stop trying to treat me as a child and start treating me as your fucking boyfriend."

"Okay," she breathed, the pain in her head worsening by the second.

"I'm not a child," he added, even as he pressed his hips forward. He was hard against her leg and she shivered as even more images from _that_ night flashed in front of her.

"I know."

He stepped away, seemingly happy with her reaction, and she pressed her hands against the locker behind her to keep herself from sliding down onto the ground. He winked at her before he left her standing there, shaking like a leaf.

Santana closed her eyes even as she heard his footsteps walk away from her and she breathed in deeply, even as her stomach heaved.

She didn't hear the much softer footsteps walking toward her, and she didn't notice someone was watching her until they started talking.

"I saw what happened."

"And what's it to you, dwarf?" Santana asked, even though she kept her eyes closed. She didn't want to see the look on Rachel's face.

"Why are you even dating him when he treats you like that?" Rachel asked, and when Santana didn't respond, she went on. "I've never seen you back down from a fight and this was just...this wasn't you."

"How would you even know?" Santana opened her eyes and looked away the moment she saw the pity in Rachel's eyes. Her face felt clammy and she wondered what she must look like to Rachel. "You don't know _anything_ about me."

Rachel shrugged. "Maybe I don't, but I do know that you don't do anything without a reason, whatever the reason may be. I don't know what's going on but if he hurt you, you should tell someone."

Santana bit the inside of her cheek. "This is none of your business, so keep your big nose out of it."

She walked away, leaving Rachel alone, and she quickly wiped at the tears that rolled down her cheeks. The most annoying person seemed to see what no one else saw, and it frustrated Santana.

* * *

The day moved at a slow pace and Santana wanted nothing more than to leave early, but she had finally gotten Brittany to want to listen to her, and she didn't want to ruin that.

So she stayed until the final period and she waited for Brittany to show up at her locker.

It was one of the longest waits, mostly because while she was waiting, Rachel stood on the other end of the hallway and stared at her as if it would make her want to talk.

At one point, she was sure that Rachel was getting ready to approach her again, but somehow stopped. For a split second she worried that it might be Dave standing behind her, but then she heard it.

"Are you ready?" Brittany asked from behind her and Santana turned, the first genuine smile on her face since the party. "Remember, straight home, okay?"

"I remember," Santana said, her smile never leaving her face. She walked with Brittany toward her car and did her best to avoid everyone else. "I have to help my mom with dinner today anyway."

Brittany knew when Santana lied, and Santana was well aware of that.

She was also well aware of Dave watching them as they made their way to her car, and she needed to make sure he knew that they wouldn't hang out after school after she had brushed him off every day since Monday.

"Oh," Brittany smiled brightly at the mention of her mother, and Santana smiled back before she pressed the button to unlock her car. "I miss your mom."

"I'm sure she misses you too," Santana replied before she quickly got into the car. She waited just long enough for Brittany to get in the car before she started the car.

"Are you in a rush?"

"No," she said, her heart speeding up at the sight of Dave, still watching them. "I just really want to explain to you."

"Okay," Brittany frowned.

She pulled out of the parking lot before she said anything. "After the party...I've started having trouble sleeping."

"What does that have to do with you leaving me for him?"

Santana winced. "Nothing. It's just...I haven't been able to sleep and I'd promised him we'd give it a try, and I don't remember also promising him we'd spend some time together after school. So, I forgot that I had promised him."

"And you made the same promise to me?"

"Yea," Santana murmured. "I didn't...I didn't mean to leave you stranded, or to be rude...I know I was a bitch about it, but I do hope you can forgive me."

"I don't know, San. I don't like that you're dating him," Brittany said softly.

Santana parked in front of Brittany's house and leaned back, her head throbbing and her mind a mess. She really didn't sleep enough to have this conversation, but she couldn't live another day without her best friend.

"I know." Santana turned her head. "I know you don't like it but I owe it to myself to at least try."

Trapped.

"Okay." Brittany sighed. "Okay, I get it. And I forgive you. You look like you need a nap."

"I do, so bad. I just...I have those dreams, and I keep waking up in the middle of the night." She closed her eyes and sighed. "I just can't fall back asleep after those dreams."

"Would it...would it help if I come over tonight?"

"I think so," Santana said softly as she opened her eyes and watched Brittany for a moment. "Would you, though?"

"Of course," Brittany smiled. "You know I love cuddling with you."

"Thank you," Santana replied, her own smile back and her heart a little lighter. She knew that Brittany at least helped keep the nightmares at bay, and even if she didn't, she wouldn't be alone.

It was a great feeling.

"So are you going to prom next week?"

Santana breathed in quickly, and shrugged. "I don't know."

"I'm sure Dave would love to go to prom with you," Brittany added and Santana shrugged again. "He hasn't asked?"

"We haven't really talked about prom yet." Santana bit her lip and then sighed. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Sure...how about I go home, and come over after dinner? Do you think your parents would be okay with that?" Brittany asked and Santana shrugged. She had to admit that she didn't really care if her parents were okay, because she wanted to be able to actually sleep for once.

"I'll ask mami, but even if she's not okay with it, I still want you to come over."

They didn't move for a moment, both content in the silence. Santana was just grateful that Brittany had accepted her explanation. She'd missed her best friend way too much and she wasn't about to lose her again.

"Okay, I should go inside."

"Yea," Santana swallowed thickly and smiled. "I'll see you tonight, okay?"

It seemed even harder to leave now that they had finally made up, but she knew lingering wouldn't help.

"Okay, see you tonight," Brittany said before she opened her door. She made her way to the front door, and only then did she turn around to smile at Santana again.

The little wave made Santana chuckle, and she waved back before she started her car again, while relief flooded her system.

It didn't last very long.

* * *

"You're home early," Maribel noted as Santana joined her in the kitchen.

"I know." Santana sat down next to her mother, her stomach hurting even though she had at least fixed her friendship with Brittany. "I just didn't feel like going out today."

She'd been going home later, only to spend some time alone before she faced her mother. Mostly because she knew that her mother could see right through her mask and she would find out that there was something wrong if she didn't fix it.

"Well, what _do_ you feel like today? Would you like to help me with dinner?"

Santana breathed in deeply, and then nodded her head. "I'd like that."

"Good. What happened to Brittany? I haven't seen her around this week."

The question caught her off guard and Santana took a moment to think of what she wanted to tell her mother. She never really knew what Maribel was thinking and it was always a surprise how she would react.

She shrugged, and leaned back in her chair before she turned and watched her mother watch her for a moment.

"Britt and I got in a fight earlier this week, but she's coming over tonight. I wanted to ask...is it okay if she stays the night?"

"Of course," Maribel replied, but then leaned closer. "Just make sure your father doesn't know. You know what he thinks about this thing you have with Brittany."

Her heart skipped a beat. "I don't have a thing with Brittany, mami. I have a boyfriend."

"You don't have to pretend with me, Santana."

"I'm not," she replied quickly, smiling tightly. "I'm with Dave now."

Maribel shook her head before she stood to her feet. "Let's get started on dinner."

She knew she shouldn't get too comfortable.

* * *

She had been comfortable in brushing him off all week, and she knew he would show up somewhere, somehow.

Just as they were about to get ready to eat, the doorbell rang and Diego lifted his brow. "Who might that be?"

"I don't know," Santana replied.

"Why don't you open the door, Santana?"

Santana got to her feet, and quickly glanced at her mother before she rushed to open the door.

Her skin felt clammy when she opened the door, and his smiling face greeted her.

"What are you doing here?" she hissed even as she leaned in and kissed his cheek. "You're not supposed to be here."

"And why not? We're together now, aren't we? I just wanted to see you."

"Invite him in, Santana. There's more than enough for another mouth to feed."

She wanted to cry, and tell her parents what he had done and what he had threatened her with if she didn't give him what he wanted. She wanted to scream, and tell them that he was slowly breaking her.

But she didn't.

She smiled, and guided him toward the table. She didn't say a word as she went into the kitchen and got him a place and cutlery, and she silently sat down after she had filled his plate with food.

Her mother said a quick prayer, and Santana stared down at her food as her father started a conversation with Dave.

He was charming, and kind toward her father. Everything he wasn't toward her, and she clenched her jaw to stop herself from snapping. Her hand, balled into a fist, was shaking in her lap.

She couldn't remember the last time she had felt as angry as she did now.

He had ambushed her, he had made sure that there was no way she could tell him to leave, and he had enjoyed doing it. She wasn't paying attention to the conversation around her, but when her mother elbowed her, her head snapped up.

"So, what do you say, Santana? Would you go to prom with me?"

For a moment, she didn't know what to say and she stared at him, before she cleared her throat and nodded her head, smiling at him as if she'd been waiting for him to ask her.

"Of course!"

She had, but she had hoped he'd ask her when they were alone, if only so she'd be able to tell him she wasn't planning on going.

"Awesome," Dave said, his smile bright and almost real.

Almost.

Santana swallowed thickly, and smiled back.

Trapped.

She zoned out of the conversation again when her father took over again, and pushed her food around on her plate.

When everyone was finished with dinner, she helped her mother clean the table, and silently prayed that her mother wouldn't ask about what had just happened.

"The food was a success," Maribel said, and Santana hummed in agreement.

"It was." She emptied her plate into the trash and quickly put it in the dishwasher. "I'm glad it was."

"I thought you didn't want to go to prom?"

"I don't."

"Why did you agree to go with Dave?"

"I couldn't say no," Santana murmured. She'd felt too much pressure from her father to be the perfect girlfriend, and to let Dave lead her, that she'd rather go to prom with Dave than deal with her father's disappointment.

Or Dave's.

They cleaned up silently, and Santana bit her lip. She didn't want to go back to the dining room, but she knew she couldn't avoid him forever.

So she walked into the dining room, and smiled at her father. "We're going for a walk, if that's okay with you?"

Diego gestured toward the door, and nodded his head once. He had approved of David tonight, and if Santana had told him they were going up to her room, he would have accepted that.

She waited until they were outside, and stepped away from him. He grinned at her, knowing that he had won this round, and she gritted her teeth even as she walked ahead of him.

"I just wanted to ask you to prom, I never expected to be invited for dinner."

"You showed up around dinner time, my parents aren't assholes like you are, they wouldn't let you leave without food."

He grabbed her arm, and she knew there would be bruises the next day but even so, she pulled her arm out of his grip and glared at him. She wanted nothing more than to walk away from him.

"You're my girlfriend. I don't know what you think that means but I figured it was time I meet your parents. You'll meet my parents soon, don't worry."

"I don't care about your stupid fucking parents," Santana said.

Dave narrowed his eyes, but before Santana could step back he had slapped her. She gasped and pressed her hand against her burning cheek.

"Don't you ever talk about my parents like that, do you understand?" Dave said, stepping forward threateningly. Santana cleared her throat and nodded her head. She blinked quickly to push back her tears, and her throat again.

"Understood. I'm going back inside," she said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He lifted a brow, and she glanced around before she thought better of it.

She leaned in, kissed him, and pulled away quickly.

"That's what I thought." He pulled her in again, and deepened the kiss.

Santana almost gagged when he pushed his tongue into her mouth, but as suddenly as he had deepened the kiss, he disappeared just as suddenly.

Her cheek was throbbing, and she knew there would be some kind of mark on her face the next day. Her bruises from the weekend hadn't even faded, and he had already added more.

* * *

"I thought you said you couldn't sleep?"

Santana opened her eyes and took a moment to take in the duck pajamas that Brittany was wearing. She glanced back at the door before she hummed, turning on her side.

"I can't, I was just waiting for you," she replied. Brittany closed the door behind her, and Santana watched her as she walked around the bed.

"Why's your face red?"

Santana tensed, but smiled and shrugged. "I tried to sleep earlier and I think it's because I laid on my hand?"

Brittany accepted the explanation without a second of hesitation and Santana forced herself to relax before she closed her eyes again. She felt Brittany slip into the bed behind her and she prepared herself for the first touch.

It still made her want to pull away, it still made her want to cry, but she didn't. She bit her tongue and slid back just to make sure her back touched Brittany's front, and for a moment, she could feel her own body reacting to the proximity of Brittany's.

"What's going on with you, San? You're so tense."

"I just haven't slept in a while," Santana replied softly, and Brittany sighed.

"Do you think you can sleep with me here?" She asked, her voice soft and gentle.

"Yes," Santana said, her eyes already getting heavy with sleep. She felt safe, and that was all because of Brittany being there. "You make me feel safe."

Brittany pressed a kiss to her hair. "I'm glad that you feel safe with me. I don't know why you would feel unsafe though."

Her mind flashed back to the week before, with him grunting on top of her and she shivered. "It's nothing, just what happened last week is still bothering me."

"Oh, right," Brittany said. "I'm sorry, I forgot."

Santana turned in Brittany's arms and placed a hand on her cheek. She didn't move for a moment, but watched Brittany's face even as Brittany kept her eyes closed tightly.

"Britt, it's fine. We didn't spend much time together." She leaned forward, and pressed a soft kiss on Brittany's lips before she pulled back, afraid that she'd overstepped.

Brittany opened her eyes and smiled, her eyes soft even as she leaned forward and continued the kiss. It was gentle, and there was no pressure behind it but Santana felt it nonetheless.

She pulled back slightly and cleared her throat. "I'm sorry...I can't."

"That's okay," Brittany said quickly, and smiled again. "I came here to sleep, not to have sweet lady kisses."

Santana closed her eyes. Everything seemed to have changed, and she wished she could go back to change it back. She wanted Brittany more than anything but she was terrified at the same time.

She felt herself slip into a deep sleep and for the first time in a week, she wasn't afraid to dream. She knew that with Brittany there, she was safe.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This took a couple of days only because we just had a heatwave and well, I had no way to write without overheating so I left my computer alone for a bit. Anyway, today I had some time to write, so here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it!

She woke up with Brittany wrapped around her, and she took a moment to enjoy the feeling of safety. She hadn't slept through the night in a week and she wondered what time it was, but she didn't want to move.

Brittany snored softly and Santana bit her lip to stop herself from laughing at the adorable sound.

Not long after, her alarm went off and she had no choice but to move.

Brittany moaned as Santana leaned over to turn off her alarm, and pulled Santana even closer for a moment before she opened her eyes. She slowly got aware of her surroundings, and slowly pulled back.

"Morning," she murmured even as she turned on her back.

Santana bit her lip to stop herself from asking her to come back.

"Morning," she replied. She turned on her back and turned to look at Brittany for a moment before she closed her eyes again. "I don't want to do anything today."

"I wish we could stay in bed all day."

"Me too." Santana yawned before she sat up. "We should get ready though."

Brittany groaned before she got out, already way more awake than Santana was. She usually was, because she never needed long to get to that happy place. Santana though, took a bit longer, and she wanted to stay in bed until she found her reason to get out.

"Come on, San," Brittany smiled down at her and held out her hand.

That was her reason to get out.

Santana took her hand and let herself be pulled into a hug. Brittany's hugs were the best, they made her feel better and she didn't even feel her bruises for the time she was in her best friend's arms.

"Okay, I'm up now," she murmured into Brittany's shirt before she tried to pull away. Brittany didn't want to let her go yet, and Santana closed her eyes just to enjoy the moment of being together for just a little longer.

They slowly started moving, getting ready for the new school day, and Santana's mind wandered to the night that was waiting for her.

She wasn't sure if she was ready to spend time with him again, not after the night before. She was terrified of him, and his temper, but she had promised and she had no choice.

She was trapped.

Brittany moved around her, and while she was aware that her friend was there, she still tensed when Brittany touched her. Luckily, Brittany didn't say a word about it, but continued her path toward the bathroom.

"So what are your plans for tonight?" Santana asked, trying to go for a casual conversation. She had the feeling that she might need her best friend after her date with David, but she didn't want to lean on Brittany too much while refusing to tell her what had happened.

"I don't know. Quinn asked me to hang out, but I haven't decided yet."

"Oh," Santana replied softly. She pulled her shirt over her head and quickly inspected the yellowish bruises on her body before she pulled on a clean shirt. "That sounds like fun."

Brittany walked back into the room with a smile on her face and Santana wasted no time. She hurried into the bathroom and blinked away the tears that always seemed close to the surface, and cleared her throat.

"You can come with. You know Quinn and I love spending time with you."

"I have a date tonight." She shivered, and quickly washed her face and brushed her teeth, before she worked on her make-up. She never really liked using too much, and this week had forced her to use more than she was comfortable with.

"A date?"

"Yea. David asked me on a date and we're going to have dinner at Breadstix." She was glad that she didn't have to see Brittany's face as she dealt with the information she'd just received.

It wouldn't have been fun.

"Oh." Brittany sighed before she seemed to pull herself together. "That sounds great."

They finished getting ready without another word.

Santana went downstairs, checked the kitchen to see if her father had left, and went back upstairs to get Brittany when it was just her mother.

Maribel always made breakfast when she was there. Brittany loved it, and Santana enjoyed watching the two of them talk over breakfast as if they were the best of friends.

"Good morning, ladies," Maribel said, when they finally walked into the kitchen. "Breakfast is ready, but I won't have time to stay. It's a hectic week at work."

Santana hummed even as she leaned in for a hug, and Brittany pouted.

"Aww," she said even as she sat down and dug into her plate filled with her favorite morning foods. "That's so sad."

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Brittany," Maribel said, a smile on her face even though it was meant to be stern. She held onto Santana tightly for a moment before she pulled back.

The hug itself was more than unexpected.

"Sorry," Brittany murmured after she'd swallowed, her eyes wide as she glanced between the two of them. "Have a great day of work?"

"Thank you, Brittany. Santana, I'll see you for dinner tonight."

"I won't...I won't be here for dinner, Mami. I'm going out with David."

Maribel took a moment before she nodded her head, the smile fading.

"Okay."

Santana stepped back and looked down, trying to hide her disappointment.

She didn't even know why she was so disappointed. She _knew_ if she would have been dating _anyone_ else, her mother would've been happier for her.

David though, had made a less than stellar impression on her mother it seemed. She didn't want to ask, knowing she wouldn't like the answers to her questions.

"We don't have much time, San. You should eat something," Brittany said as Maribel left the two of them in the kitchen. Santana sat down, and swallowed thickly as she stared down at her food.

"I'm not really hungry," she said. "I just want to go back to bed and sleep through the day."

"We can't, we have a test, and it's in the first period too."

Santana smiled, and took a bite from her food even though she really didn't feel like eating. Brittany always found a way to cheer her up, even if it was for a moment.

"You're awesome Britt-Britt."

Brittany lifted a brow before she grinned. "I know."

* * *

After the first period, Santana didn't see Brittany again for most of the day. Even their lunch period wasn't the same on Friday, and she was forced to spend her lunch period with David again.

He talked a lot, and she nodded her head and hummed in the right places while she kept her head down.

It was only the last period where they had the same class again, but this time David was in the same class and she knew she had to be careful.

Santana loved watching Brittany enjoy her classes.

There were only a couple that she didn't have trouble with, even though she was a genius, and in those classes she was always smiling, always shining so bright.

Santana sighed, leaning forward, and realized that Brittany always brightened her days, especially when they were together.

All she needed though, was a smile and her day would feel better, all she needed was a walk down the hall and she would be happy.

She _wanted_ to spend every moment of every day with Brittany. She wanted nothing more than let the world know that she was in love with her best friend.

She _wanted_ to be with Brittany.

She looked down, her vision blurry as she tried to push back those feelings.

She needed to push the feelings down. She needed to stop imagining a future together with Brittany, walking hand in hand through the hallways, spending time with Brittany instead of David.

There was no way she was going to be able with Brittany, especially not because she was dating David.

The moment she thought about him, a shiver went down her spine and she looked up to see him glaring at her. When he saw her looking, he smirked and winked at her before he turned his gaze toward Brittany.

There was a threat in there, Santana was sure of it.

When he turned back, he lifted a brow. She wanted nothing more than to slap the smirk from his face, but all she did was shake her head, making it a point to ignore Brittany.

She really had to be more careful.

* * *

He was waiting for her near her locker when she finally made her way through the throng of people.

Brittany's locker was on the other side of the hallway, and Santana wished she had stayed with her instead of going to her own locker.

"I'm picking you up around six tonight," he said as a way of greeting. "I think it'll be good for us to spend the night together."

Santana lifted a brow, but said nothing as she opened her locker and grabbed her books. He waited until she had closed her locker before he leaned forward, and then pulled her into his arms.

Instead of a kiss though, which she had expected, he held her tight.

She didn't dare to move, but he had no trouble pulling her as close as he could. He ran his hands down her back, and then rested them on the small of her back.

"Dave-"

"I can't wait for tonight...it's going to be unforgettable," he murmured in her ear and she bit her tongue to keep from saying anything. "Just be ready for me."

He squeezed her ass and then let go of her, and she leaned back against her locker as she took a moment to catch her breath.

Her life seemed to be falling apart and she wanted to fix it.

She couldn't stop thinking about his words, even as she linked pinkies with Brittany and they made their way to her car. She tried to distract herself with music and even that didn't work.

His words were stuck in her brain.

"Where are you? Did you even hear anything I said?" Brittany asked, a grin on her face. She hadn't seen what had happened in the hallway with David and Santana was more than grateful for it.

"I'm just thinking about tonight," she said, for once not even lying. "I haven't done the dinner date thing in a while."

"The last time was with me and Finn."

"Exactly." Santana turned onto Brittany's street and pulled over. "I just want it to at least be okay, you know?"

Brittany made a face, but then nodded her head. "I get that. Just be yourself, you're already dating so this won't really change much, unless you guys find out that you don't really fit together."

"Yea, I know."

Brittany smiled before she opened her door. She turned back one more time and narrowed her eyes. "Don't look too hot, okay?"

Before Santana could reply, Brittany was gone and she chuckled when Brittany turned around just to wave at her. She waved back, and bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from screaming out her frustration.

Why did she even ask David to begin with?

* * *

No one was home when she got there, and she was grateful for it.

She knew her mother would want to know where she was going, and her father would want to know what she was doing, but she just didn't want to think too much about any of that for as long as she could.

She took a shower, and washed away the grime of the day. It was hard not to think about the date, because every time she tried redirecting her brain, flashes of the night at the party overwhelmed her and she lost her breath.

Her bed smelled like Brittany, and she knew if she laid down she would fall asleep. She only had two hours left, though, so she couldn't take the risk that she would be late for her date.

Instead, she turned on her music and she took her time getting ready, even though she didn't want to look _too_ hot. She applied her make-up, did her hair, made sure she was wearing a dress.

David had asked for her to wear one, and she wasn't about to find out what happened if she didn't do as he asked.

She sang along to the music and prepared herself mentally for her date, before she made her way down the stairs. She knew that no one would be home, but she still expected to hear someone in the kitchen.

Just as she reached the last step, the doorbell rang and she froze.

Was she even ready for a date with him?

Santana forced herself to step forward, to open the door and to smile at him as he looked her up and down, before nodding in approval.

"You look great."

He hadn't even bothered to change into anything nice, and she wondered if she'd gone through too much effort. He looked comfortable in his jeans and plaid shirt.

"You look like you didn't bother changing."

He smirked. "I didn't, what's the point when I'm taking it off anyway?"

She turned around just as she felt the blood drain from her face, and she looked up the stairs as if she could run from him. Before she could contemplate it, though, he grabbed her hand and pulled her outside.

"I need my keys."

"Hurry up, though." Dave let go of her hand, and she made her way back inside to grab her keys before she pulled the door closed behind her. "We need to get a move on."

"I'm ready."

* * *

Santana loved Breadstix, and she couldn't stop eating their breadsticks either. She normally only went there with Brittany when she had the money, but she expected that David was paying for the night.

Which is why she ordered the lobster, even though she didn't even like it.

It was her small way of rebelling.

David did most of the talking, like always, and Santana glanced around while they waited for their meal to be brought to the table.

"Stop ignoring me," he hissed when she made it a point not to lock eyes with him when she turned her head to glance around the other side.

"I'm not ignoring you," she said, her eyebrows raised. "I'm just enjoying the scenery."

He stood from his seat, moved around the table and sat down next to her.

"Start enjoying time with me," he said, gripping her thigh. "You're with _me_ , not everyone else in this stupid restaurant."

Santana placed her hand over his hand on her thigh and tried to push him away subtly. He was hurting her.

"You're right," she gritted out, even as she tried to make him stop hurting her. His grip tightened, but the smile on his face never faded.

He kept his hand on her thigh even as dinner came, and all through the meal, the only reason he would let go of her is when he needed to take a sip of his beer.

He had somehow managed to get the alcohol flowing at their table even though they were still underaged, and Santana took advantage of it by drinking more than she should.

"That's enough," David said sternly as he pulled her glass from her hands.

"You're not the boss of me," Santana murmured even as she tried once again to push his hand away from her. Her brain felt only a little fuzzy, and she needed more to get through this night.

"Right now, I am. And I'm saying you've had enough." He downed the glass of wine and then waved over a waiter. "Why don't you freshen up, I'll pay for the meal and then we can leave."

Santana glared at him, but when he finally took his hand off of her thigh, she stood to her feet and quickly made her way into the bathroom.

She wasn't even tipsy.

She blew out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding, and fixed her make-up even though it was still as flawless as when she put it on.

When she pulled up her dress and saw the new bruise forming on her thigh, she wished she'd had more to drink than just the three glasses of wine. She was lucky that she didn't have to explain it to anyone, because it could be covered.

Tears of frustration burned her eyes and she gritted her teeth. She pulled down her dress and made her way back into the restaurant.

She was deep in thought and didn't see David making his way to her.

When he grabbed her arm in a tight grip, she looked up, ready to tear him a new one. He was still smiling, but he seemed angry and she knew that snapping at him would only make it worse.

So she smiled back.

"Where are we going next?"

His smile changed. "You'll see."

* * *

He drove around town for a while.

She knew there was nothing in town that she hadn't seen.

The tension in the car was thick and the conversation slow to start up, until he parked at an isolated parking lot at the edge of the only park in Lima.

"What are we doing here?" Santana asked.

She had a hard time pulling in enough oxygen, and her chest was tight as she glanced around. It wasn't even that late, but no one was at the park. She knew that she should've insisted that he drop her off at home.

"I thought you'd enjoy some time together, without everyone staring at us."

Santana frowned. "I don't mind the stares."

"Well, I do," he snapped before he took a deep breath. "So are you excited for prom?"

"Not really," Santana replied. She hadn't even planned on going in the first place, but after having asked him before all this happened, she knew she couldn't back out.

He lifted a brow before he turned in his seat. "You could be prom queen, and you aren't excited?"

"No," she shrugged. "I really don't care about any of that."

There was a pressing silence as he tried to figure out a way to reply but Santana knew it wouldn't matter.

She was going to prom with him, and nothing she said could change that.

"Let's talk about something else," he said as he placed his hand on her thigh again. She looked down at it, but decided she'd angered him enough earlier, and let it go. "You and I are a couple now."

"Yes," she replied. She swallowed thickly as bile rose in her throat and then smiled at him.

"That means I get to have...privileges."

Her heart skipped a beat and she shifted in her seat, fear creeping up and down her back.

"I don't know what you mean."

"We already did it once, why not do it again?" He was quick, and grabbed her hand before he pressed it down on his bulge. "I'm ready, and I'm sure I can get you ready in no time."

She shook her head and pulled away her hand, her skin already feeling dirty by just touching him.

"No."

He frowned, and then narrowed his eyes. "No?"

"I don't want to have sex with you," she added, making sure to articulate. "I don't get what you don't understand about me being gay, Karofsky. You're not my type."

She got out of the car, and closed the door before she leaned against it.

For some reason, she didn't expect him to get out too, but he was on her before she could move and he had pinned her against the car, her face pressed into the hood and his bodyweight on top of her to stop her from moving.

He grunted in her ear. "You don't really have a say in it anymore. You gave that up when you decided you wanted to date me."

He was hard against her and she tried with all her strength to get away from him.

"Dave, you don't have to do this!" She knew she didn't stand a chance, but she tried anyway. "Please, don't do this!"

"The fact that you've been playing with me from the beginning is making me think you never really wanted to date me," he said even as he struggled with her. He didn't even sound out of breath, even though she felt as though the air was being sucked away from her.

"I'm gay, of course I didn't _want_ to date you," she screamed, pushing back with all her might. "I just wanted-stop!"

He pulled up her dress, and she knew there was nothing she could do to stop it. Her stomach turned and her face hurt as he pressed her harder against the car.

"You should have thought of that before you started playing with me. You are not strong enough to play this game with me."

The moment he pressed into her, she knew that she was broken.

She stopped fighting, her body weak and her mind drifting.

Brittany was all she could think about.

Keeping Brittany safe, while taking the pain onto herself.

She closed her eyes and made no sound.

Blue eyes and blonde hair was all she could think about. The way it felt to be held by Brittany, and to be kissed by her. The way her body reacted to Brittany even with just a look.

She could feel him speed up and she hated the fact that she had to try harder to keep Brittany in her mind, over the grunting and the rutting he was doing on top of her.

Everything hurt, and when he came, she gagged and gagged.

The moment he got off of her, she stood and ran to the edge of the park.

She emptied her stomach, and then turned around to face him. He looked satisfied.

She felt gross.

"Come on, let me drop you off at home."

* * *

She felt overwhelmed, and she didn't know what she should do.

He dropped her off at home, and leaned in for a kiss before he remembered she'd lost her dinner. The disgust on his face was exactly how she felt about him and she was grateful that she didn't have to kiss him again.

Everything hurt.

She ignored the way her body protested against every movement, and made her way up the stairs without her parents even noticing she was home.

Her phone felt heavy in her hand as she made it into her room and she looked down at it before she took a shuddering breath and typed out a message to send to Brittany.

_**I love you to the moon. XO Santana** _

After throwing her phone on her bed, she closed and locked her door before she made her way into the bathroom, repeating the process from a week ago and getting rid of her clothes, getting into the shower and cleaning herself thoroughly.

There was no way she would feel clean after just the one shower, but she had to deal with it.

Unless she wanted her parents to come check on her.

She dressed in her loose fitting shirt and slipped under the covers, not even bothering with her hair, and closed her eyes.

The first tears slipped down her cheeks and she wiped at them angrily.

It was her own fault, she'd given him more than enough opportunity and she had played with him, like he'd said. She just had to make sure that she wouldn't be alone with him anymore.

Right?

Her phone vibrated and she lifted it to see who'd messaged her. Even more tears fell, and this time she didn't get rid of them. Butterflies in her stomach made her nauseous, but she smiled at her screen before she turned off her phone.

_**I love you too. XO B** _

**Author's Note:**

> Give me feedback please?


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